Feeling how different it is to fill up on the energy of Help. Feeling as “help” for others flows through me that there is a flow TO me concurrently (when I let it).
My tank of “help” fills.
When I am helped, especially in subtle ways or ways I didn’t “have to” ask for, there’s a filling with “help” energy as well.
Noticing that if I try to project/send that “help energy” where it isn’t actually useful, I end up with “less help” — HelpLess. It’s not even subtle.
It feels like, “Oh I made this pot of Help soup, the pot is Full. I want to be HelpFull. And, dang, I ladled the soup onto the ground. I have less Help now. I’m sad. And if I keep doing it, I feel profoundly Less-Help-Full.”
Viewed as a resource, something that flows in/out/to/through, it makes me clearer about resource stewardship.
When I attended healing classes our teacher talked about asking the person’s inner self for “permission “ or guidance whether they are open to me sending healing to them. She suggested that more might be going on with someone that we don’t know about and sending healing now would be disruptive. There is something about Reiki energy that doesn’t resonate with me so when someone asks if they can send me Reiki I say please don’t.
There’s a woman in my dojo who has been problematic for everyone, and who now attends my class sporadically. She likes to let me know why she’s not coming on any particular day. Her excuses range from guests and social engagements to the health of her Uber driver. In a word, transparent. I’ve tried honesty (fire), I’ve tried avoidance (ice), but she ignores it all. Finally after an exchange this week I got an insight: she is totally stuck. She can’t change right now. There is no help I could offer that could make a difference. My heart burst wide open when I realized it. So from now on I am just going to try to keep an open mind and heart and not try to “help” her in any way. If she’s ever open to help, she will let me know. What a relief!
Helping just sounds so much nicer when you put it like this. Like something I truly want to do.
This week I definitely noticed that when I pushed myself to be helpful to someone else it didn’t work out for them or for me. I think there were many other complicated factors involved too.
I’m sitting with - or looking towards - supporting myself to let go of some of the feeling of helplessness- particularly after todays circle session I jumped in on at the end - tapping on ‘it’s all my fault’- and allowing space for the icky uncomfortable way things turned out to have a helpfulness I am not in control of. For them and for me.
To use your languaging- dang! I felt so uncomfortable and thoroughly confused and unhelpful, scrambling around and trying to be what they wanted me to be and having no idea what I was doing! It’s taken days for me to get to a space where I can have a little space around this experience overtaking me emotionally and mentally.
It’s like I sometimes beat myself over the head with ‘if you don’t help, there will be consequences!’
Some people ADORE jazz music. It gives me a migraine about 4-5 songs into an experience. I’m wyrd. And while I have had bodyworkers who incorporated reiki-like approaches into their work, reiki attunements have (also strangely) never been a YES for me, even after 25 years of being a bodyworker.
My imagining is that the physical grounding and presencing of touch is important when I balance with more ethereal tones.
