Real Skills Workshop - Community Event
H.O.P.E. - Hearty Optimism Persistent Engagement
Real Skills Workshop: Clarity and Action
Hosts: Rick Wilkes (@Rick) and Cathy Vartuli (@Cathy)
Recorded Sun Jan 30 2022
Replay is below
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“The antidote to toxic positivity is ‘tragic optimism,’ a phrase coined by the existential-humanistic psychologist and Holocaust survivor Viktor Frankl. Tragic optimism involves the search for meaning amid the inevitable tragedies of human existence, something far more practical and realistic during these trying times. Researchers who study ‘post-traumatic growth’ have found that people can grow in many ways from difficult times—including having a greater appreciation of one’s life and relationships, as well as increased compassion, altruism, purpose, utilization of personal strengths, spiritual development, and creativity,” Scott Barry Kaufman writes. “Importantly, it’s not the traumatic event itself that leads to growth (no one is thankful for COVID-19), but rather how the event is processed, the changes in worldview that result from the event, and the active search for meaning that people undertake during and after it.”
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Looking forward to it!!
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H.O.P.E. - Hearty Optimism Persistent Engagement - Workshop Recording
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H.O.P.E. - Hearty Optimism Persistent Engagement
[00:00:00] Welcome to this real skills workshop, bird clarity, and action, and a thriving life. And today’s subject hope. A Hardy optimism and persistent engagement is kind of how I took those four letters and translated them out. We’re going to be exploring today. What hope means for you? What blocks your feeling, your being able to be in that place?
[00:00:28] And some other things too. And with me, uh, Rick, uh, thriving now is Cathy. Vartuli from the intimacy dojo and thriving now, Hey, I love this topic so much. I think hope is one of the key ingredients that we need in our life. And without hope we lose all the joy, all the possibility, and for many people.
[00:00:54] People talk about kind of breaking kids like to kind of control them. And I think the takeaway there hope, and they’re just kind of plodding through life. Like there’s no possibility of breaking free and there’s no possibility of creating powerful things. And one of the things I taught, I worked with a lot of people at coach people, and I tell them repeatedly that 95% of what we need to give them is hope, help them reconnect with their hope, because if they hope means that I’m confident or at least believe it’s possible for me to achieve this thing.
[00:01:27] Um, and if I don’t have that, there’s no way I’m going to put the effort in. So when someone’s defeated and broken, there’s a sense of why bother. I can’t do this anyway. I don’t, you know, I’m just never going to get it. And that to me is like even talking about, I feel tears in my eyes. It just really heavy.
[00:01:46] So the fact that you’re here talking about this with this makes me very excited because I think when we. Source and start talking about these things. It gives us new understanding of past. It’s like, oh, hope is a thing. I can actually work at creating and developing in my life. And it’s very fundamental.
[00:02:06] And this can be very, just like when we talk about sexuality or creativity, there’s a lot of, um, identity with this and it’s very tender. So I’d love to help everyone just kind of get grounded and present with this. So I just feel light you if you, if it feels good to your body, take a slow, gentle breath and see if you can just notice the oxygen, the molecules coming into your body, going into your lungs, they’re interacting with your blood and going through every cell in your body.
[00:02:35] And just kind of like, yeah, I believe this is possible. It’s okay. They tend to breath. Notice your feet on the floor. If that feels good to you. If that’s where they are, notice whatever is, are they cool or warm? Are they am something soft or is a little rough or is it hard? Is there a texture to it? Wiggle your toes.
[00:03:01] Notice your butt in the chair right here. Right now, a lot of the times we learn many of us learned to give up hope because of trauma. And I’m gonna imagine for most of us here right now, there’s not an active trauma going on right now. We may have a very stressful life. There may be troubles on either side, like behind us and in front of us, but we’re here right now in the safe plates piece where we can work.
[00:03:30] So if you can let yourself come to here and now, and notice that your body can move a little bit. If it wants to. That it’s not trapped and you may want to look around the room and just notice my house is actually very, very neat today and like it, so I’m just looking around and noticing how, like I’ve taken care of myself.
[00:03:49] How have you taken care of yourself with your space? Is there a comfy blanket nearby? Is there, you know, is your lunch set up or your dinner set out or whatever it is that makes you feel safe and warm. Just notice here. And now that you can explore these things and you have the resources and the support to do it.
[00:04:07] You’re with a group of people that are pretty darn savvy and energetically and sensitivity and intellectually. Like I bring a lot of resources together. Just take another gentle, deep breath and just breathe in the support and the care like comradery.
[00:04:31] Nice. Thank you.
[00:04:36] Thank you, Cathy. I feel better. And I have a little sip of lemonade here, coffee. We do invite you during the session to take care of yourself, whatever that means to you at around the 50 minute mark, between 50 minutes and an hour, we’ll take a seven minute break. Um, but please know that we’re also recording and so that, uh, if it’s right for you to pause and actually, um, leave the session or leave your computer, that that’s perfect.
[00:05:13] Um, as Kathy was talking, um, I was aware that for myself, a lot of the things that I need some hope around are things that are not necessarily achievements. There might be milestones and things that are related to, uh, But my heart tends to make things matter that like, you know, I want to, so if, if I say I want my family never to suffer, like a deer is not going to match that today.
[00:05:52] She’s in a bad morning. She’s got several molars coming in all at once. She’s, she’s, she’s having a hard time of it, which means that, you know, mom is deep asleep and then woken up by a scream right by her ear. Now, one of the things that Kathy and I talked about for our first aspect of Hardy is, you know, we think of like hope as being something that we’re going to achieve, and that can be.
[00:06:26] Oh, I, I want this. And if you’re hopeless about it, you won’t actually bring your creativity and your presence, your engagement to it. Emotional freedom. For all. For example, for me, is something that matters. Like when I think of that, like, I think about a world where everyone feels emotionally free to laugh and cry and to create safe spaces together and to support one another and where we’re not demonizing emotions, but we’re also not flinging shit at each other.
[00:07:06] Just saying that’s sort of my vision of emotional freedom for all. Um, that’s not like an achievement if I set that out, but what I can feel is hope that there are things like today, I feel like coming together with you all. Influences that it might make it a bit easier for you and the people you’re connected to.
[00:07:33] I don’t necessarily going to get proof of that. Like it’s like graduating college, you get a diploma. There’s not a really something tangible, you graduate from a certification program, you have something tangible. So I just want to acknowledge that sometimes the things that we’ll feel Hardy about are things that, um, we’re going to are the hope can be channeled toward.
[00:08:07] Yeah. I can make it easier for a person or myself or my community. I can influence through an invitation, um, through, uh, a possibility that I can open up. That would be easier with my support and my engagement than without it. And that’s part of the Hardy, the persistent engagement to me. Um, that’s the, that’s the loop is it matters to me Hardy and I’m persistently engaging around it in some way.
[00:08:46] Persistent doesn’t necessarily mean every hour or every day or every week, but there’s a sense of, of like, I keep coming back to it and putting engagement into it. And we’re going to talk about blocks because I think the blocks are the, are the kill, the optimism and turn us into pessimism and Hardy. We can probably feel, but if we don’t have this connector through optimism, um, then.
[00:09:15] We’re, we’re not going to take action. We’re not going to engage. Yeah, well, I think, and I think that one of the things you said you were talking about when you say heart T you’re saying aligned with your heart, it’s important to you. But I also think of it as a, as Hardy, like as an R D with D like we’re resilient about it because it matters to us and we get support involved.
[00:09:37] So, um, I think they’re both like looking at the alignment. I do want to emphasize one thing I want to say hope is so important. I think about most things, it’s about 5% skill in 95% hope our skill grows as we keep practicing. And if we really care about it, we’re not just blindly repeating the old thing where like, does this work?
[00:09:58] How does this work? Do I do it this way? So there’s that persistence can help us grow. But I do think achieving most things is like 95% hope and 5% skill and skill. We’re all smart people here. We’re on zoom or like connecting with each other. Like we can figure most things out, but if we don’t have the hope, the optimism that it’s actually creatable, then it’s very hard to get ourselves to move forward.
[00:10:24] But I do want to say some there’s some times when lack of hope is actually assigned. And I just want to add that in because it’s not like. We want you to drive forward with everything that, that alignment with your heart has to be there. Sometimes the lack of hope is a body know. We can sometimes have a goal or a desire for something because our family, our society told us we should do it.
[00:10:48] Or we’ve had what they call sunk cost analysis. I put so much into it. Now I should finish it. Like I’ve already put all those hours. I want to achieve this now. And sometimes that’s not a bad thing, but if you’re noticing that there’s not a lot of hope, the first thing I would invite you to do is to check in with your heart and your alignment.
[00:11:07] That lack of hope could be one that it’s a no, that you’re going in a direction that isn’t actually aligned with your heart. It’s not Hardy. Um, or it could be this needs to be tweaked. Maybe that worked for you when you were five and you want it to be, oh, you wanted to ride horses for a living. Um, Yeah. A couple of years ago.
[00:11:27] Well, I was the last call I talked about when I was five. I wanted to ride horses for a living and found out that I wasn’t good enough and it was too big to be a jockey, but that doesn’t mean I can’t have horses. It’s a point in my life. I can’t like maybe I can earn a living. Like maybe I need to tweak the dream so I can have the experience I wanted, but it may not look like what I thought when I was five or five minutes ago or whatever it is.
[00:11:51] So just know if you’re, if you’re noticing a lack of hope, I would first just check in your alignment, your heart is your heart really aligned with this because other people’s dreams will not give us the same rocket fuel as our own dreams. If that makes sense. Other people’s expectations, pressures.
[00:12:11] Sometimes we can form, but it’s usually a lot of uphill drudgery versus when we really have hope and we’re aligned with it. So there’s a can feel like I can’t stop myself from doing that, especially when you get the blocks out of the way, it’s like, oh my God, I get to do this again today. It may be hard.
[00:12:28] I may not make as much progress I wanted, but I’m really aligned with that. So I want to just emphasize what Rick said about the heart, heartiness, the heart of it, making sure that you are aligned with what you’re creating, because I think it’s so important. And if you notice days where it’s off, it might be that the thing you want to accomplish today may not actually be aligned with your heart.
[00:12:50] Like I, so I’ve been trying very hard to like each time I start something new, I just take a breath and like, there’s this feeling like a body? Yes. To me. Oh, it is. Or, oh no, what do I need to change? And sometimes as simply as I need some coffee first, or I need to take a break first, and sometimes it’s like, this whole project needs to be realigned, but that checking in as we go, um, can really help stay aligned with.
[00:13:16] I’d like to start with, um, and then we’re going to get into what blocks. So, um, so sometimes when I’m tapping by giving my, my body a clear signal that I would like hope around a subject. Um,
[00:13:41] so if we tune into something that you’d like to have more hope, I don’t mean like maybe you’ll get the kind of hope that is absolutely unshakable,
[00:14:02] but like, I, I I’m inviting more. That or around, and one of the most beautiful things about EFT is it won’t create something. That’s true. So if you try, if you’re not sure do this tapping, you’ll often get clarity and trying on something you’re not sure about too, if you want, but pick something you think you want to do.
[00:14:28] Cause we’re going to clear ball blocks in just a minute. Yeah. Even though it’s hard for me to have the hope I’d like, even though it’s hard for me to have the hope, like I’m inviting more hope around this. I’m finding more hope around this,
[00:14:48] even though it’s hard for me at times, even though it’s hard for me at times and I’ve spent time feeling hopeless about it.
[00:15:01] Right now I’m inviting a bit more hope around right now. I’m inviting a bit more hope around this. It’s hard to hope. It’s hard. It’s hard to hope sometimes. And I’m inviting more hope around this.
[00:15:20] I’m really wanting to see things more. Hopefully, hopefully I’m BI. I really want to know things as more hopeful. I really want to know things as more hopeful for me. I want to embody more hopeful energy. I want to embody more hopeful energy. This matters to my heart. This matters to my heart. And sometimes I get, so what’s your emotion and stuff might be frustrated, defeated, hopeless.
[00:15:52] So the kids, so uplifts pop, pop off for a mall and I really am inviting more hope and I really am inviting more hope and brings up its own feeling. And that brings its own feelings about.
[00:16:11] Sometimes when we start that flow, if you haven’t had a lot of hope and you start the flow, if you’ve stopped because of all traumas or beliefs, those feelings may come to the surface a little, so it can feel very tender and vulnerable. And I just want to normalize that for you. The fact that they’re coming up in this space is a sign they’re healing.
[00:16:31] Not that you’re being retraumatized, or like as long as you take it in baby steps, it’s a way to heal. You’re bringing up things. The Drudge at the end of the bottom of the pond is coming up to be cleared out. So if you start feeling a little tender, it’s good to write that down. Like, what am I, is this reminding me of some time when I failed?
[00:16:50] I mean, maybe I can tap on that particular experience. I can get a coaching call with that or bring it to a group call. So tender feelings coming up around, this is actually a sign that you’re ready to start healing, old pockets of things that are blocking. How does open and if you’re willing to share, and it’s a yes for you, what blocks hope for you?
[00:17:17] Maybe you don’t know.
[00:17:21] Kathy pointed into a couple of things before we prime the pump with some other possibilities. I’d love to hear from the community here. Yes. And what you share in the chat. We don’t, if we will read some of them out, but we won’t read the name or give the identifying features. So feel free to share if, and please remember that when you write it out or share it with a group, there is something that heals or survival brain does something with that.
[00:17:45] That it’s hard to heal some of this stuff in isolation. So I do encourage you, if you feel ready to do that, to share, because it can help you heal. Whatever’s holding you back.
[00:17:58] Let’s see people typing anything.
[00:18:06] Uh, my physical reality, my physical reality being in pain, 24 7, that’s a tough one. Pain can really reduce hope, uh, going into my head and finding all the reasons they won’t work or why it’s hard. And then going straight to overwhelm or defeat. Thank you so much for sharing these. Um, I know they’re tender past seven.
[00:18:28] It’s an experience.
[00:18:34] Um, how there’s a lot of like, um, I’ve been sick for so long, uh, other people’s voices in my heads. Yes, they can be so loud sometimes.
[00:18:52] And our mirror neurons also learn. So if our parents had failures or my father failed at business, a number of times, he repeatedly started businesses that failed and cost money for the family that we didn’t have. And so my mirror neurons watched him and it was really scary for me to start a business because it was like, Everything.
[00:19:12] He was just a waste of time and money when he did it. So like my, we have mirror neurons so we can learn from other people’s experiences. And it was like, I don’t want to do what he did. This is not going to go well. And so I had to do a lot of tapping to clear that out. So, you know, other people’s experiences or voices can have a lot of impact on us trying to figure out all the steps of housing and advance and then getting overwhelmed.
[00:19:35] Yeah. Seeing how easily people are course operating out of their primitive brains. This includes me too. Of course. Yes. Yeah. And that’s one reason I like the work Rick does. And I have the reason I do this work is because we want people to be more resilient and not to be manipulated a lot. When I was first learning, learning, marketing, they were all paying marketers and they’re like scare them.
[00:19:57] So they buy. This is the opposite of what I’m willing to do. Um, so it took a long time to find people that were heart-centered and teaching marketing. Uh, my father was afraid of everything. It was constantly telling me I couldn’t do X cause I get hurt.
[00:20:15] That’s that’s hard. It’s hard to have hope about moving forward when we have that, that, not that reinforcement in our heads that it’s scary or dangerous for us and unhealed disappointments. Yes. So, and I see other people thought
[00:20:34] the fear that I’m, that I’m hoping I can have connection with my family and not being, and will not be understood by them. Yeah. It’s even harder when we start bringing in other people into what we’re creating, because we don’t know how they’re going to react. My father’s a lawyer and he always talks about all the things that could go wrong and worst case scenarios.
[00:20:55] Where are we going to say, Rick? With the appreciation for the sharing. Um, one of the reasons we do this as a group is that the life experiences that we have, um, I have he’s sharing about her father’s business experiences. Um, you know, there’s, there’s a lot that constrains us, you know, your, to me hope is like, um, an essential nutrient.
[00:21:33] I don’t even know which vitamin or mineral, like it may be like a deficiency of hope is like a really big deal inside of me. And, and the way that you said that Kathy and, and recognizing like I’m not in pain 24 7, but when I’m in pain, it is a lot harder. And one of the, one of our intentions with thriving now is to facilitate to perhaps no guarantees, make it just a bit easier for us as a community to support and, and recognize that yeah, our, our past, how are we are parented both consciously and unconsciously by what our mirror neurons picked up.
[00:22:22] That’s impactful. Um, our physical state, um, in pain, low energy, our energy going elsewhere where it’s really, really required. Um, you know, I, and then this was scheduled a month ago.
[00:22:45] You’ll notice that I, I rescheduled it because I simply did not have the energy that particular week. It’s to engage around this subject, um, in a, in a facilitation role. And that gave me extra time. For example, my initial reaction of, uh, really needed to be moved. Like there was, there wasn’t really, it was either going to be canceled or moved or Cathy was going to do it on her own all three worked.
[00:23:22] But there was the initial, like in the head reaction that says, oh, you know, the, the overreaction that we’re, we’re seeing where our head starts trying to figure out what’s going on. And the advantage of having, uh, a class that you’ve scheduled that you’re supposed to facilitate. That covers this subject is that when stuff comes up, if you’re going to walk the talk, you do it.
[00:23:52] It’s like, well, what matters to me? It matters to me that people can say, no, I’m not doing this this day. And that we build community. That’s adaptable to be able to support that. It matters that I’m in tuned enough with my own self about what’s a yes and a no. So can you notice the hardiness that starts coming back in?
[00:24:18] We also use our experiences often when we post a call, we’ll start having things come up and we’re Rick and I will share, and we’re like, oh, we’ll use that as data. We kind of mine our experiences for the call, like, oh wow. When I try to be hopeful, this happens for me. So, um, and sorry about the background noise.
[00:24:39] I was getting a link and excellent. It started playing dopamine is the hormone in our body that helps us motive. It’s a motivational hormone. It’s what we go after we, and if you’re kind of geeky about it, there’s some sections that are really biochem, but there’s, it’s a really great talk on dopamine and how you can regulate it by certain very simple actions.
[00:25:02] If we’re in pain all the time, our dopamine is probably lower, but there’s still things we can do that kind of help that if we’re in trouble, it’s going to be hard to have hope we can clear that out. And then we can look at, he talks about some very practical ways in there about how to manage your dopamine.
[00:25:19] One of the things I would try to do is stack functions, um, to try to get myself to do things I was scared of. And he actually talks about how they can help in the short run, but not in the long run. So there’s just interesting things in there that I found very geeky and I wanted to share that link with you.
[00:25:36] Um, yeah. Oh, stacking function, sorry. Stacking functions. One of my it’s an engineering term where we do multiple things at the same time. So if I have something really scary to do, I would get some chocolates out. I would get my best friend on the call. I would offer my real self a reward at the end. I would like try to stack things that would make it so that I could get over the barrier versus breaking that thing that I had to do in smaller things and actually doing it without having to T he talks about how we do that.
[00:26:10] And we get a huge rush of dopamine. There’s a subsequent crash, and that can actually condition us to not want to do those things versus breaking things into smaller amounts. So we don’t have to stack the rewards so high to get ourselves to do it. I just thought that was fascinating because I’ve been doing that my whole life to get things done.
[00:26:28] And he was like, it works. You do get a big dopamine rush from all those things, but then you get, however high you go, you go down and then you associated. So I thought that was really interesting. Um, And someone shared, I couldn’t have a car or hood over the hood ornament cause you’d slip and fall and poke your eye out.
[00:26:47] Like that fear. Like that’s, that’s kind of a traumatic thing. Like if the world is so dangerous, how can we move forward? How can we try to create something valuable? It actually feels very tender to try to create something valuable in a world that’s dangerous because it could get hurt or we could get hurt by having created it.
[00:27:06] So we have to have some hope that the world there is good in the world and just watching news 24 7, or being on Facebook too much right now. Like there, like can pull down the hope and the optimism.
[00:27:22] So pausing for a moment, checking in with our bodies. We’ve just kept, we just tuned into things that block hope and notice that there’s overlap. Perhaps some things don’t apply. Let’s do a little bit of topping, even though there are things that block hope, even though there are things that black, who
[00:27:49] some of them were in my past, some of them were in my past. Some of them were in my present, my present, my Montgomery in my body. Some of them were in my body. Some of them are in bodies around me and bodies around me and out there in the world and out there in the world.
[00:28:13] I’m open to having some hope. Anyway, I am open to having some hope anyway.
[00:28:22] So many things, block hope, so many things, black coat eyebrows. So many things blocked, sunshine. So many things. So many things, block hope, many things under the eye. Is it okay to hope? Is it okay to hope
[00:28:42] part of me doesn’t think so. Part of me doesn’t think so, but these things matter, but these things matter and I’m, I’m guessing there are things I can do that would make a difference. There’s things I can do to make a difference. What really matters to me, what really matters to me.
[00:29:08] Maybe I don’t have to listen to the most neurotic person I’ve ever met. Maybe I don’t need to listen to the most neurotic person I’ve ever met. Thanks dad. Thanks dad.
[00:29:23] What are the ways that I can most easily. And I just want to offer it to you that I can most easily shift my belief. If I’ve had a lot of people telling me I can’t, my mother is also someone like don’t do that. It’s too risky. Um, and I try to remind myself that things are possible and hurting. Or we’re impossible her day or now technical, logically very possible.
[00:29:45] And there’s a lot of things that were blocked by technology or information flow, which we have now. So I just remind myself, she may think that’s not possible, or I even may think it’s not possible, but have I really looked at it in today’s conditions? So when I was growing up, there were no computers. We had a black and white TV that my sister had to hold on to the antenna who would bribe her, um, so that we could get the half a channel that we got two channels, well, the half a channel, if she held on to the antenna, we could get that one.
[00:30:15] Um, but she wouldn’t do it for very long, so, okay. That’s those things were not very possible back then, but now there’s a lot of things that like we’re here on video with people around the world, like doing this work together, And we can see each other and talk to each other and share ideas, have a chat.
[00:30:33] Like what if things that were not possible back then might be actually easily possible, or at least possible with a little effort now? So I, I like metaphors and analogies because their survival brain generally gets them. And it’s something we can lean on when we start feeling wobbly. It’s like, oh, maybe this is more possible.
[00:30:54] Now we have EFT. We didn’t have that 30, 40 years ago. We can clear things. We can get out of our own way. We can get support in different ways. So what if our beliefs are outdated and we just haven’t quite realized it yet, both to the energy. So the combination of tapping on some specific block and also then inviting something that’s a little more optimistic, um, You to be able to apply some curiosity and possibility.
[00:31:25] And so would you lead us in a topping on that? Yeah, so they stepped on breath, karate chop. I didn’t think any of this stuff as possible. I still don’t think it’s possible. I decided a long time ago. I decided a long time ago or maybe last week or maybe last week. And I’m open to finding this Pope here.
[00:31:50] And I really am open to finding some hope here. What if there are things I hadn’t considered? What if their things I hadn’t considered? What if there’s new technology or information? What if they’re new technology information support? I’d really like to make this happen. I’d really like to make this happen.
[00:32:09] Um, my heart and brain keeps circling back to this thing, my heart and brain keep circling back to this thing. And maybe it’s a time I approached it with a little more optimism. And maybe it’s time to approach it with a bit more optimal top of the head. Hey universe, Hey universe. I brow, I keep having this dream.
[00:32:31] I keep having this dream inside of the eye. I want to create something around here. I want to create something around here under the eye, and I’m feeling very pessimistic at times. I feel very pessimistic under the nose. Would you help me see optimism? Would you help me see this more optimistically to please show me a lots of loving and gentle ways.
[00:32:57] Please show me in lots of loving and gentle ways. How about in ways that even I will see in ways that even I will see what is possible and loving for the world. What is possible and loving for the world and for me, yeah, that was just about to add that head and all that is loving and wonderful for me, loving and wonderful for me.
[00:33:22] Just take a breath. And I like to add in the, even I will see, because like I’ve asked for neon flashing sign is burning bushes or whatever, and I’m still confused about burning bushes if you’re running towards them or away from them. But, um, sometimes I’m very oblivious. And so I like it, like, please specify, like, please make sure it’s ways I will notice and see.
[00:33:45] Um, but often after I do that kind of tapping, I’ll see little things just popping into my brain. Like, oh, I hadn’t thought of that. So hope that works for you as well. And thanks for fixing my grammar. Right. Why was this like the wherever it landed in my own. You’ll notice that I do change words. I do that partially to model, um, that we want you to feel free to see, because I believe that tapping as a, as a tool for tapping into your own words, your own intuition, what is real for you is one of its great tools.
[00:34:22] Um, and, um, also that’s just sometimes what I need to say, like change it, how I need to say it personally. Um, so this word, optimism I have, you know, I’ve been tapping this week and I’ve gotten it just a little bit more. Um, optimists optimists usually annoy me just like optimist and annoyed me. I hate optimists.
[00:34:54] They’re just, don’t see reality. Don’t they see how fuck some people that are optimistic or very like, rigid about it. And there are a few, like, I work with people that are law of attraction. Like, no, I can’t see anything bad. We must bypass the homeless camp and not
[00:35:13] like, yeah, I get that. I’m just acknowledging. That’s part of the tenderness of this topic for me is, um, and anything that I’m repelled by, I will, you know, I’ll tend to Slingshot a little too far the other way. So I know that about myself and one of the ways that I can modify it. You know, I’ve been playing with it and it’s like, Hardy optimalization, that’s such a Ric word.
[00:35:43] Optimalization it just says, Hey, I don’t even necessarily need to be optimistic in kind of that tone. I know what that tone is. I like being there, um, when I can get there, cause it’s, it’s full of awareness, but optimalization says it matters to me. And I’m betting that even with reality, exactly the way it is with all of its contrast, there’s something I can do to make it a little more optimal for me and the people that are going to interact with me today.
[00:36:19] So nobody in the family’s had any sleep, you know? Um, how can I optimalize that? For today, it’s different than if we’ve all been sleeping and the weather’s sweet and everything else. Um, I know for example, that this last week as I’ve been optimizing, what matters to me if I turn to Twitter, which has some really, like, some of my kinfolk are out there.
[00:36:52] The only reason I go, oh, my Ken folk are out there. And if I go with the idea that, okay, this matters to me, freedom matters to me. I’m just going to stay out there long enough until I see one of my kinfolk that I follow touch my freedom sensors. It’s like, ah, yeah, freedom. Ah, And now I’ve restored that energy.
[00:37:27] It’s a bit like vitamin D you go out in the sun or you take a pill, you know, if it’s cloudy all the time, um, where you can’t get outside, maybe you need to supplement it with something. And that’s where part of the, the op for me, whether it’s Optum optimism or is there some way that I can adapt here that makes this a little more optimal for me?
[00:37:57] If I’m in a lot of pain, for example, I can, I can make it a little more optimal for me by taking what I thought I was going to do and bring it way back. So maybe I wanted to write for an hour and I bring it way back. So like this week, I didn’t promote this to our larger community. I didn’t have the energy.
[00:38:28] Every time I sat down, like my brain was just not in that place to put out an invitation. We have a group of people that I love and trust. It felt good to me. I talked about it with Kathy. So the optimization about what matters to me as, you know, I believe the right people will, we’ll be here. Thank you for being with us that we’ll be recording this for other people, um, to find it when or not.
[00:38:59] Um, and that feels good to me. I get to co-create with you all. And Kathy, that feels good. And so I took it back and back. And at that one point on the day where that was the to-do item that I said, I really am going to put this invitation out. I was strained enough that hope went away. And I know what that feels like.
[00:39:21] And I’d like to just, you know, I’d like to tap on that just to, even though I really know what, what it’s like when hope goes away, even though I don’t really know what it’s like when hope goes away. And it’s really hard on me, it’s really hard on me. It affects my biology. It affects my biology, affects how I think about life.
[00:39:43] It affects how I think about life and particularly how I think about the person in the mirror and particularly how I think about the person
[00:39:53] so hard when hope goes away. I hate it so hard. When hope goes away, I’m open to finding something more optimal. I am open to finding something more optimal hope will go away. Oh, look away. Eyebrow. It’s a bit like sunlight. It’s a bit like sunlight side of the eye and it’s essential. And it’s essential for life on the BI and I’m open to Optum being a bit more optimal and I’m open to being a bit more optimal on the nose, even if it means making something really small, even if it means making something really small, you know?
[00:40:32] Yeah. I can work. I can work and that’s okay. And that’s okay. And that is engagement and that isn’t. And I’m showing that I’m, I’m persistent about what matters to me. I was showing that I’m persistent about what matters to me.
[00:40:54] I love that. And I think it was a beautiful loop back into persistent because if we’re not taking. W somewhat regular steps forward. Even if they’re baby steps, there’s either we’re not aligned with our hope or we’re not, there’s some blocks in the way of us actually achieving that because there’s things I’ve been wanting to do for years.
[00:41:15] And I think about the most every day, but I haven’t done anything. So either they’re not really aligned that I need to tap to clear that. So I’m lying with something or I need to figure out what’s stopping me because it does when we don’t achieve something over and over again, that that can add to the sense of heaviness.
[00:41:33] Like, oh, I never achieved that. I never did that. Versus if it’s even, you know, 30 seconds of something we’re doing, there’s a sense of, oh, that. The door is opened a little bit, even for a moment, I’m building up the muscles around that thing. So persistence is very, it doesn’t have to be at five o’clock every day.
[00:41:51] I do this thing for an hour. It could be like, I did 30 seconds this morning. I did it half hour later. I didn’t do anything today, but tomorrow I’m going to, I have time set aside and I feel aligned to do the work. So I think I like persistence. It doesn’t have to be rigid, but it does have to be if we’re not actually moving forward a little bit, there’s something to examine there.
[00:42:15] Our system is actually pointing the red, the neon signs. Like there’s a problem here.
[00:42:27] One of the interesting things about the, that I’ve noticed in the last, it may conscious around hope is that, that Hardy aspect, like what matters to me matters to me enough that I do actually practice it and work toward cultivating it. So for most people that are attracted to anything related to emotional freedom, let’s guess for example, that you’d like the freedom to be able to say no, when it’s not, when you don’t have the time, the energy, the focus, the brain power, whatever that you can say no to it today without saying no forever.
[00:43:17] So like,
[00:43:23] That’s where, when the hope went down. Cause I was like, I am not going to promote this to the group. One of the things that matters to me is having understanding people, people that get me. So I didn’t get a single profane, um, bitch notice from any of you all, like I put this on my calendar, I canceled things.
[00:43:50] Like, I don’t know whether that was true or not. Yeah. Like, yeah. So like I know that people, this matters, this, this community matters and I’m, I know that people did that. And if someone did that, okay. Like I want people to be free. I like kindness, but I cultivate understanding and it was really, it’s been really nice.
[00:44:16] Over these years that like, when I said to Kathy, like she went within, which is another, um, thing I want to cultivate or people that, that pay attention to their body guidance. And she’s like, you know, I’m feeling, I’m feeling the rightness and letting this go. I was really feeling like the small tender group.
[00:44:38] It’s a very tender topic. And for having a smaller group where we feel a little safer and we know each other, now she could’ve gone within it that, Hey, I’m feeling drawn to write something out. Would, would it be a yes for you to publish it tomorrow? If I wrote it, if it comes through. So I also mentioned it to my partner gem and she, she understands me.
[00:45:02] There’s not a criticism. That just because something matters to me and I set up something that I wanted to achieve on my to-do list and I let it go. And I said no to it. That there’s anything wrong with me. I’m telling you, like, if, if your process is to tune into yourself and you’re like, you know, the pain levels been just way too high and it’s okay to say no to doing the dishes tonight or walking back downstairs.
[00:45:36] And, um, so do you feel like there, I mean, one of the things that’s part of this is that when hope, the energy of hope that is, that is giving us energy up to a certain point goes away. Um, it’s okay. It’s okay. Okay. For it to be a redirection. And I’m guessing that there’s something else that’s meaningful to me that I’m also demonstrating.
[00:46:07] Yeah. Maybe it’s self care. Maybe it’s, I’m going to go to take a nap. Like we can have multiple hopes and sometimes they’re competing. So I may hope to see a friend and also hope to get work done and I have to make it, maybe I can’t do them together, or maybe I can say. How about we hang out for an hour and then you work on the couch on your thing and I’ll work, or the desk on my thing.
[00:46:29] Like maybe there’s ways, but there are times when it’s like, I want to sleep. And I also want to hang out with my friends and it’s hard to do both at the same time. And it’s okay to make choices of just, if we’re consistently making choices away from something that feels aligned for ourselves, it may be that we’re blocked.
[00:46:46] And we really want to, like, we want to work on the blocks a little bit more and we’re going to tap with people. Um, so start thinking if you want to share something that’s blocking you. Because group work they found is 49% more effective than, than. I’m trying to do something by yourself. Like the support of the group somehow does something different for our energies.
[00:47:07] So if you’re thinking about ways that you might be blocked around this, this is a great time to start. Even if you make a little shift, I love Rick’s analogy that if you’re flying from New York to LA and you don’t want to go to LA, you want to go someplace different. All you have to do is change the trajectory, a degree one way or the other, and you start heading someplace very different.
[00:47:30] Oh, I’m going to put the recording on pause. We’re going to take a seven minute break. Hold on just a second. And if you’re looking at the recording, we encourage you to take a break as well. Welcome back. Um, Kathy, would you like to start us off? I don’t hear you.
[00:48:01] I wasn’t needed. Can you hear me now? It’s really quiet. Uh, me check. I’m not hearing that microphone at all. So can you, I don’t know what else to do except stay on the raspberry. Isn’t going to work. Um, that’s the highest volume gain that has, uh, let me see.
[00:48:31] How about now? There we go. I don’t know what’s going on with the raspberry. Sorry about that. Okay. If you could hear me. Okay, Marco, if you want to go to unmute for her.
[00:48:52] I’ve been, I’ve been trying to pick parts of this to work on for probably 10 or 15 years. So, um, I’m sure I’ve talked about before how my dad constantly told me growing up, don’t do that. You’ll fail literally. Don’t it didn’t matter what it could be. Anything don’t do that you’ll fail or you’re failing or look you failed.
[00:49:14] And so I can just take the dumbest things, the easiest things, and just my body freezes. I have a friend who will say, Hey, meet me in Seattle. I got, you know, I have an extra ticket and I just immediately go, I don’t know where to park. It’s dark outside. It’s raining. Like I have to know where I’m going to park.
[00:49:35] And I don’t want to be looking for some parking garage that I don’t know where it is. So I will just talk myself out of all kinds of things. That being that being one thing that’s bugged me for years, like, what is this. Okay. I’m just going to fail at everything. And, and so, but I can feel my body just freezing.
[00:49:58] Oh no. Don’t even, don’t even think about that. Whatever it is. Can you just feel into your body? How do you know it’s freezing? What are the sensations are feeling? Um, I like, I feel kind of sick and like, it’s almost paralyzing, so the muscles don’t want to move that there’s no inclination to move forward.
[00:50:18] Yeah. There’s almost this panicky feeling in my chest, even when I talk about it. Okay. Credit shop? No wonder. I want to avoid all these things. No wonder I want to avoid all these things. It doesn’t feel good to be sick or panicky does not feel good to be sick or panicky. I hate feeling frozen. I hate feeling frozen.
[00:50:37] I think if I do these things or even think about it, I’ll freeze. I think if I do these things or even think about it all end up for you. I want to avoid those feelings. I really want to avoid those feelings and I can understand why, and I can understand why top of the head, I’m trying to avoid these bad feelings, trying to avoid these bad feelings.
[00:51:00] Dad taught me to have these feelings. My father taught me to have these feelings all the time. He may have meant, well, he did not mean well under the eye. He did not mean, well, it did not mean the nose. My body is carrying this message. My body is still carrying this message. I’m afraid to move forward. I’m afraid I didn’t forward.
[00:51:23] Hello everyone. I’m so sorry, buddy. I’m so sorry body under the arm. I know you’re trying to protect me. You know, you’re trying to protect me top of the head and you have a trouble response around doing anything and you don’t have a trauma response around doing anything. I brought up what we’re going to do this together, but we’re going to do this again.
[00:51:43] Side of the eye in very small steps, in very small steps under the eye. We’ve been clearing stuff for quite a while. We’ve been clearing stuff for a really long time now, and then the nose, I know the courage is there. I know the courage is there and I’ve seen things heal. I’ve seen things. You’ll probably bone.
[00:52:02] So I have a little bit of optimism around that. So I do have a little optimism around that, but I’m afraid to do things and I’m afraid to do a lot of things. What if I fail? What if I fail? I broke. What if I fail? What if I fail? Suddenly I died. May that be the worst thing possible? My father made that be the worst thing possible under the eye.
[00:52:25] And I don’t want to go against my father and I don’t want to go against my father. No knows like failure happens, but failure happens. What if I can fail sometimes, but if I can feel some. Taliban, and that’s not a big deal and that’s not a big deal. And then he made it seem worse than death itself. He made everything seem worse than death, worse than death itself.
[00:52:53] So what if I drove to Seattle in the rain? So what if I drove to Seattle in the rain I brought, I couldn’t find a parking spot. I couldn’t find a parking spot inside of the eye and everything went FUBAR and everything went FUBAR and the Viagra I, and I just went home again and I just drove home again.
[00:53:10] Other than those, it might not be convenient. It might not be convenient. It might be frustrating. It might be frustrating, but it’s not worse than death itself. It’s not worse than death itself under the arm. And I might’ve stretch my muscles a little bit. It might’ve stretched my muscles a little bit top of the head and tried something and tried something.
[00:53:30] But it, failure is not worse than death itself, but a failure is not worth worse than death. Just take a breath and notice where you’re at.
[00:53:44] What do you think? Like, it doesn’t matter if I’m not going in the right direction. It’s fine to tell me to, um, a lot of it is anything I do. I’ll be criticized for like they’re in my co-housing group. We joined, um, like they asked for volunteers to do stuff and I just sit there, like, I, I will not volunteer for anything unless it’s really easy and I can do it in little pieces.
[00:54:07] Um, so yeah, at credit credit shop, I am so sensitive to criticism, so sensitive to some criticism. Some people like if somebody is criticizing me and they’re doing it in a constructive way, I’m like, okay, great with it. I had too much mean criticism when I was a little too much. I mean, criticism growing up and I’m really allergic to it now.
[00:54:31] I haven’t really allergic to it now. But call the ambulance level, call the ambulance level and an electric shock. I don’t want to be mean criticized. I do not want to be mean and criticized. And maybe now I can set some actual boundaries. Maybe now I can set some actual boundaries top of that. I couldn’t when I was little, I couldn’t when I was little I row and my reaction is so strong now it’s hard.
[00:54:58] My reaction is still so strong. Now. It’s really hard. It’s not a BI, but what if people don’t get to me and criticize me? What if people don’t get to me and criticize me under the eye and I can take that not as a sign of failure and I can take that, not as a sign of failure under the nose, but their meanness, but their meanness.
[00:55:18] And I’m not quite there yet. Not quite there yet, but I’m doing some work on this, but I’m doing some work on this under the arm. What if nobody deserves me criticism? If no one deserves, maybe. I don’t think other people deserve and criticism. I don’t think other people deserve mean criticism. What if I don’t either, but if I don’t either just take a breath and notice what’s coming up,
[00:55:45] it’s kind of like, I mean, like my boss looked criticize me and I’ll literally go fuck you some resilience in some spaces, but not there’s, there’s some more, it’s like, I don’t have a problem just going you’re full of shit. Why don’t you tell me the 10,000 things I just did. Right. But then there’s other things where it’s like, I feel like I’m going to let people down there.
[00:56:06] They’re gonna, it’s probably, um, if I’m I’m feeling into this, right. It’s like, um, being ostracized, like it’s deeper than criticism. It’s like, oh, you don’t fit in here. Um, you’re a failure. Um, yeah, so. My survival brain is really worried about messing up my survival. Brain’s really worried about missing out and it wants to fit in and it really wants to fit in.
[00:56:34] I didn’t fit in with my dad. Didn’t fit in with anyone in my family. So I learned early that it’s important to fit in. So I learned early, it’s important to fit in. I’m scared of that. I’m scared of not fitting in and scared of not fitting in. I bro, I’m scared of criticism around my belonging. I’m scared of criticism around my belonging side of the, I, I need to know I belong.
[00:56:58] I need to know I belong somewhere under the eye and that’s a tough space to be. That’s a really tough space to be. And then it was, I sent compassionate love to my poor survival brain and combustion and love to my for survival. Right? No wonder it doesn’t have very much hope and wonder it doesn’t have very much hope collarbone failed repeatedly.
[00:57:18] When I was little failed repeatedly when I was. Under the arm, but I was a kid and raised by ducks. I was kitten raise my status
[00:57:32] top of the head. There was no way I could fit in. There was no way I could fit in. And now I’m finding new communities. Now I’m finding new communities where they love me, or they love me and they want me to succeed. Can you look around this group and just notice that you have a lot of people paying attention and tapping along with you and caring for you?
[00:57:54] Yeah. And that’s a big thing to overcome. And I just, if I can normalize things for you when I drive in I 40 minutes from San Francisco. So like when people ask me to drive in and they’re like, just park anywhere, I’m like, no, tell me what parking garage. And I Google it. And I do that little person where you drop them nearby.
[00:58:11] And I look at. Like my brain driving into the city. I don’t go to very often or a part of the city. I don’t go into very often needs to know where I’m going. It needs to have a clear destination and a visual of it. So maybe that isn’t so scary. And maybe that’s something you can do. Like tell me the exact address.
[00:58:28] I’m going to Google parking near that. Cause you can put the address in and say park nearby and Google put the little purse, drag the little person over. If that helps you. Like I do that all the time and it makes me feel much more secure that I haven’t destination. I’m going to, and maybe if you can break it into small steps, but you’ve made so much progress Margo.
[00:58:50] And I think that the fact that you’re, you’re still, you have hope enough that you’re working on this stuff after growing up the way you did, that’s amazing. And it shows so much resiliency and courage. It’s, it’s really impressive. And if you can remember that you can take criticism in some ways. You can, and I wouldn’t even encourage you to practice little failures with people, like intend to fail.
[00:59:18] Like one of the ways I got over my fear of public speaking was I had a friend make me do it really badly. Like he says, like, I want you to do the intro. Like I was so scared of introing something. He was like, do it really badly. Do it as a pirate, do it, like do it silly. And it was so hard, but like when I started seeing that, oh, it’s okay.
[00:59:38] If I muck up, it w it really took some of the power away from that fear. Cause my S my survival brain was making it like the end of the world. Like, not even my own death, but everyone would be obliterated somehow if I misspoke during an intro. And then I’m like, ah, now I’m like, oh, I mucked that up. Sorry guys, here’s the crack thing.
[00:59:56] Or just kind of a modeling that we can all do things badly and still be okay or whatever it is. There’s somebody else screw something up and they go, oh, I screwed up you’re life. But our survival brain, especially when we had constant reinforcement like that, it’s really hard. And just baby practices start giving the evidence to, to shift that.
[01:00:19] So I really appreciate where you’re coming from. And, um, yeah. How are you? How’s your body feeling right now? Yeah, just really all we’re trying to do is give it a little bit of shift a little. I think of it as oxygen, a little bit of oxygen in the room, so things can start processing. And once we get that like kind of seal broken, it starts going faster and faster often.
[01:00:43] So yeah. Thank you for sharing that nice work.
[01:00:51] That’s a thrill to know that persistent engagement Margot has gotten you. So. Fell off your boss, you know, that that’s huge. Um, I wish that emotional freedom for anyone to change their bus and that’s big muscles, so. All right. Um, yeah, so, and I, I, to amplify again, something that we, we touched on right before the break is that, um, hope when it’s multi-dimensional multi-faceted can help provide some resilience.
[01:01:29] So our primitive brain goes, oh, this matters to me. I’m hopeful about it. It hasn’t happened. Hope gets lost. Like it’s just not there. But when we, when we F when we have the opportunity to fall back on some other things like courageousness, you know, in the face of heart, like one of the things that matters to me is that hard doesn’t make it better.
[01:01:56] So if I’m like, oh, things are hard. I used to have this notion that hard was bad. I used tapping and clarity to shift that. So it was like hard. Doesn’t make it bad. Bad is bad. But, um, you know, like, oh, it’s hard and I’m engaging. Maybe I, maybe there’s no outward progress at all. Like maybe there’s actually steps backwards again how clean the house is.
[01:02:28] Right. But it’s like, oh, but you know, I I value presence. So if I can, in the midst of a mess, be present, it’s like, oh, that’s, that’s hopeful. That’s giving me some hope that I can S I can be present. And that’s this. Um, so stacked, uh, multi-dimensional hope. That’s the, I think part of the Hardy aspect of it is like, what matters to me here?
[01:03:01] The hope of that is not present for me. What matters to me? We have about 15 minutes left. So I just wanted to acknowledge that as I unmute. So. Hello, today’s stopping is amazing. Thing is so much guys. So, um, I struggle pretty much a lot around health. I feel like I am doing one step forward, two steps back, and it’s not all around the pain, but general like feeling energetic, healing, vibrant.
[01:03:41] Yeah. It’s, it’s a biggest toggles. And last four days being extremely challenging me, this about stuff that is, is it so maybe it was just tap. It’s really hard to have hope about those things. It’s really hard to have hope around the since. Yeah. Maybe I can have hope about other things. Maybe I can have hope on the other side.
[01:04:11] I can give me the energy to endure. It’s can give me energy. I have survived. I had survived. I have survived.
[01:04:27] I’ve even laughed at times. I even laughed and times, even if it’s a bit of gallows humor, humor, uh,
[01:04:46] laughter matters to me, right? Yes, absolutely. To me, I have hoped for laughter. I have,
[01:04:58] I do let it happen and they do let it happen.
[01:05:08] You know, what’s really interesting for me. Like since I joined the group, I started having couple of emotions and saved time. So I’m feeling grateful, hello, feeling present, and actually being challenged at the same time. And if you’ll use a support costs, thank you.
[01:05:38] I do believe that just like, you know, that if we can have hope, and this is something that Carol was teaching in the abundance as well, there’s some things that are so raw that if we turn and we can. We can activate a vibration of hope around laughter in that it matters to me to find something, to laugh out, laugh with.
[01:06:06] Right. Um, I did that during the break. I was like, I need to laugh a little scrolling. Okay. I persistently engaged with that need of mine and it gave me energy to continue. And sometimes the energy that I’m hopeful about is love, especially between people that have gotten to know each other, even if they’re suffering and, and feel too hard for me to have onto the house, because I don’t see a possibility in that screen with dark
[01:06:54] in life. What would you like to like your situation on the human scale? Like you’re in a very vulnerable place. Right.
[01:07:08] And, and you’ve shared a lot in other circles about like what’s alive for you. Um, do you believe it’s possible for hope to shine in? Even if it doesn’t like affect the one area which like the, the dark aspect of, of your world, can you bring light in from another place? It seems like, yes. Yeah. But around the house, it’s very challenged around the health.
[01:07:40] Yes. Even though the truth is my health has really challenged.
[01:07:50] Really honestly, hard to have hope. And it’s really honestly hard for me to have hope. I still need some light. I steal get some light. Dark is not a good look for me. It’s not even good for my health. It’s not from a house or for anything in anybody. I’m open to the light coming from some other source. I’m open to the light coming from some other source.
[01:08:31] I’m really open to the light coming from another source or sources. I’m really open to see light coming from other sources, maybe hope isn’t where I stand with my health. Maybe hope it’s not where I stand business. I certainly am courageous. I see myself as courageous.
[01:08:58] Um,
[01:09:03] do I need hope to drive my health? Uh, I definitely need hope to drive my house. I need light. I need light. I need hope somewhere. I need hope somewhere. And if find that to have hope somewhere, then it helps my health. And if I have coped somewhere, it will definitely help my house.
[01:09:35] Thank you. You know, if it’s sorta. It takes it to another level, like what we were talking about when, you know, if you’re trying to have hope in a place that’s the hardest place to have hope. Um, I keep getting this picture of like, okay, it’s really dark in this room. Yeah. What do I do if light can come in the window, if you can bring in a flashlight?
[01:10:15] Um, no, my
[01:10:22] I’ve been in places where if you tried to get me to have hope about my future, that was a bridge too far, but someone who said, you know, do you think you have the energy to just go pet some nos? I had horses. I said, yeah, I can go pet noses today. That’s all I can do. I want to ride? No, just do you, do you feel like you have the energy to do that?
[01:10:53] Would that give you some connection? Is that what matters to you is I know you want to ride the horse and you want to go exploring and all of that, Rick, but his love for these animals that, you know, you tend to, and the tend to you. Um, see, like, I, I hope that makes it a little easier and lighter. I know you to be courageous you that sees that.
[01:11:21] Okay. Thanks, Sasha.
[01:11:35] Yeah. I had to leave a couple of minutes at the end. I’ll be quick. Thanks buddy. Okay, we’re done.
[01:11:53] Uh, so first of all, I want to mention partway into this discussion about hope. It triggered a memory that I worked with a client and mentally handicapped, a woman who was a native Canadian and, uh, which is work I did for about 10 years. And her name was the most amazing name to me. Her name to me was like a little poem.
[01:12:16] Her name was hope anguish, and it just struck me. So I don’t know, it just percolated my nervous system. You know, I just was like, her name was a poem. Hope anguish. It’s just always stuck with me anyway.
[01:12:38] What I’m hoping for right now, uh, strange as it may sound is that I have COVID because I’m a little bit sick and I just want to have it then be done with it and have the natural antibodies from having it because, um, the consensus, it seems to me is we’re all gonna get it anyway. So, uh, uh, yeah, I don’t know.
[01:13:05] It seems like a funny thing, but, uh, I, I would like to just hope that I have it and hope that it’s not going to get, I’ve been doing all the right stuff, supplementing and stuff. That’s recommended, uh, hope around something. I can’t actually do something about,
[01:13:25] I have hope around something. I actually can’t do anything about it. Can or can’t I have hope around something. I can’t actually. Something about, yeah, I can take good care of myself. Right. I can take you. And I have. Yeah, but I can’t determine if I have COVID or not. I can’t determine whether I have COVID or not, and I’m not even sure the testing, I’m not even testing here anymore.
[01:13:53] So I really want to be done and have this COVID. Yeah. I really want to be done with habits and have the natural empty bodies will offer, but there’s not much I can do to create that. I guess there’s not much I can do reasonably to create top of the head. What if I just recognize it? All I can do is take good care of myself.
[01:14:13] So what if I just recognize that all I can do is take good care of myself and let the universe decide what happens. I let the universe decide what happens under the, I hope can be a tiring sometimes. Yeah. Hope can be tiring sometimes. Yeah, for sure. I keep pushing on the hope Gath pushing on the hope gas under the nose when there’s nowhere for me to actually drive when there’s nowhere for me to act and other than taking good care of myself, other than taking the collarbone, there’s not a lot I can do about this.
[01:14:54] What if I just allowed myself to feel peaceful with not knowing yet wonderful. I just allow myself to feel peaceful with not knowing top of the head and allowed the university care of the rest. I love the universe. Take care of the rest. Let’s take a breath and see how that feels in your body.
[01:15:22] So I think in this, in this case, there’s not a persistent action. You can take other than taking whatever supplements and getting rest. And I’m exposing people that don’t want to be exposed a little bit, but it’s like, I can be exhausting when we’re constantly reaching for something to do. We’re doing group of PE like we’re conditioned to do something.
[01:15:45] And in this case, all there is, is like being with where you are. So I think that, that when we realized that and we stopped, he put ice in there, we’ll push the gas, I want something, I want something. And I’m like, I can feel exhausted after a little while, versus like in this case, it is either have doubt and it’s not something I can actually change.
[01:16:07] What Glenn, whether in this case, that word, hope I have is a preference preference. And I, the Springs. Like, and I’m, I’m seeing this whole cascade of things where I use the word hope. Um, when it really is, I prefer this falls into what Kathy is saying where, you know, there’s not, the progress may matter to me, but it’s not something that I can like engage, whereas the hope of, of a live long and prosper, like, you know, I, I, that matters to me.
[01:16:53] That’s a good distinction. I’ve taken care of myself. It gives me some optimism. I’m engaging persistently and things that, you know, matter. And I, I would prefer if this cold is anything, you know, that it falls into the category that it’s going to give me more of that natural immunity. Right, right. Thank you.
[01:17:16] That’s a good, that’s a good distinction. I admit that I, I cast this workshop. Thank you, Glenn. I really appreciate it. Thank you. I cast the workshop as like exploring hope as hop, standing for Hardy optimism, persistent engagement, which, um, I hadn’t been clear that that really does put it different than like, oh, I hope I win the lottery.
[01:17:46] The great distinction. Like, is it something that’s actually something I can work towards? Yeah. And, and, and recognizing that, that kind of persistence, um, Allows us to fuel ourselves. I believe that dopamine is one of the multi-polar, you know, um, things that happen. I believe that psychologically, when we’re in a place where we know it matters to us, that the hope is not just centered.
[01:18:16] And, uh, I hope, you know, like if it’s just here and it hasn’t been embodied for me, it feels very ungrounded. The hope feels more chaotic and thingy than something like, oh, well this part matters to me. And the optimism is like, oh, I’m blocked. Like I’ve, I’ve got things that are stopping me from feeling like there’s something I can do, you know?
[01:18:41] Uh, and, and then the persistent engagement, I believe is a natural. The natural thing that happens when something we keep coming back to our dream are the thing that we want to co-create or an achievement that we want to experience for ourselves. And, you know, optimally, whether that’s the right word or not, that each cycle of that we’re tweaking, we’re giving it, um, including the pause, including like putting more un-fun to it.
[01:19:13] Um, telling a friend that you know, is supportive to creating some energy around it. Um, all of that, the Harvard study where people that were alone CA hill is much deeper versus a friend. That’s going to walk up the hill with them. They see it as less deep that can give us hope. The hill doesn’t look as steep.
[01:19:31] I have more confidence. I can make it to the top. So like having support and lining things up is brilliant. Um, yeah. Um, that’s why, w you know, we do this as a workshop as committee. I thank you all for being a participant, the vulnerability is deeply appreciated. And I, I know for sure that the impact on me has been far greater listening and tapping along, um, and to hear them and respond and to the chat as well.
[01:20:07] If you’d like to continue this, we have a community center it’s free, uh, because it’s supported by the people that are adding to our community. And in financial ways, um, we make that community center available is that thriving now dot, thriving now.center. Um, and I know for me personally, and I know there are others in the community.
[01:20:28] If there’s something that you want to have more hope around, that that if you share why, what matters to your heart about it, and anything else you want to share, that there is support for you, uh, in our community. Yeah.
[01:20:46] All right, bye everyone. Till next time.
We covered…
- Hearty and Hardy – what matters to you? Is that goal still a YES?
- What blocks the HOPE?
- Optimism and Optimalism – making small influences and contributions to keep the energy for engagement flowing
- Persistent Engagement – does not have to be “big” and it helps to feel like you’re still “with” what matters to you.
- When we’ve been abused into believing we’ll fail or it is too dangerous to HOPE
- Sometimes an area is too heavy and dark to generate HOPE on its own. Find the light and let it shine into those areas which are “too hard” or too ingrained for much HOPE
Resources Mentioned
Great to have you on this journey with us!
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Hope Comes from the Place Where the Hurt Comes
Saw this as I was looking for hope energy after the call. Powerful.
Blessings to us all, and HOPE.
P.S. (I believe that hope is a feeling - a state of being hopeful - and also a source of action).
4 Likes
This was a wonderful session… Even after 2 weeks, I’m still thinking back on the point that Cathy pointed out…
It was once a hopeless situation, but much like technology evolving, can I now see that things are different, and it might just very much be easier to have a little bit more hope…?
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Hope is trusting yourself to have a shot to make things better. But we can hope without reassurance. ~ Seth Godin
Ahhh, the “without reassurance.” Goes to the hearty optimism combined with a kind of persistence onwards in the direction of what truly matters to us…
Hope. In this workshop I intended to reframe it as Hearty Optimism and Persistent Engagement. A sweet, stabilizing, energizing state.
In this email I got from Mark Silver from The Heart of Business, he added a perspective on hope that is also useful, in the view of it as medicine and having a proper “dose.”
My Sufi sheikh, Sidi al Jamal ash-Shadhuli, taught that “hope is a medicine.”
What he meant, is too much hope isn’t good for us. It can lead to toxic positivity, what he called “being heedless.” There are genuine reasons to be cautious and alert in this world.
However, too little hope leads to paralysis and despair. We begin to believe that things can’t change, and that it’s not worth trying.
When I think about medicine, it has to be dosed according three things: the patient, the malady, and the larger context.
Children don’t take adult-sized dosages. A slight illness doesn’t require intense medication. Sometimes, if there are multiple issues going on, you can’t give medicine for all of them at once.
When I encounter someone who is hoping for a complete, radical, ocean-change of a shift in their business over the course of year, I feel the same way when I encounter someone who thinks their business can’t do anything this next year.
They just feel like hopes and fears disconnected from the ground they are standing on.
Now, I’m not saying miracles don’t happen, and that big changes can’t arrive beautifully. They can, and do. I don’t want people to snuff out their dreams in order to be “realistic.”
However, I also don’t want folks leaning into hope so hard that they feel like they have to work themselves to the bone, or judge themselves harshly for not getting there.
For me, the first step is being really honest and kind and compassionate in embracing where I am. What’s true for me, for my business, for my life.
Then, from that ground, I can feel into hope, I can find the hopes that inspire me without disconnecting me from the ground.
These kinds of hopes may be, yes, more “realistic” in that they are more grounded. But I’m not talking about being strictly practical and discounting miracles.
However, I am saying if I’m looking up to a mountain top, maybe the mountain I’m next to feels miraculous enough, without aiming for a mountain top three mountain ranges over that I can’t even see from where I’m standing.
Want to give it a go? Even for just 5-10 minutes?
For you, heading into 2025, I invite you to contemplate these three things:
Yourself: What is your capacity? What is your stage of life? What are your strengths, your dreams, your hopes? What are your challenges, the things you don’t like, what you want to avoid?
Your business: Where is it doing well? Where is it challenged? What kinds of capacities does it need to develop in order to function better?
Your context: What else is going on in your life? What is your health? What other commitments do you have for 2025, to loved ones, to other organizations or situations?
I invite you to sit with what you notice about yourself, your business, and your context.
As you embrace these and allow yourself to stand on the ground you’re on, notice how you feel. Notice what’s true for you.
And then, allowing your heart to look up, what is the mountain top for your business, the hopes and dreams you cherish for this coming year, that are connected to where you are, yet still inspiring and exciting and even a little miraculous?
For instance, someone in their first two years of business, maybe the end of the year won’t see the business suddenly making enough to sustain a small team while the owner takes luxurious vacations… but maybe there can be a 50-75% jump while creating a spacious schedule?
For someone whose business is more advanced, maybe they can’t get the business to be totally self-running to take a six month sabbatical, but maybe a team can be put in place that allows the owner to work 25-35% less, while maintaining income?
Or, for someone else in the middle, maybe the business can expand significantly enough to start savings and vacation accounts, separately? Without increasing the amount of time they are working?
What’s the dream, the hope, that your heart cherishes, when your feet are grounded in where you’re standing?
With love
Mark Silver, M.Div.
Heart of Business, Inc.
Every act of business can be an act of love.