Real Skills Workshop - Community Event
Clear Your Blocks
Real Skills Workshop: Be What Matters
Hosts: Rick Wilkes (@Rick) and Cathy Vartuli (@Cathy)
Recorded Sun Mar 12 2023
Replay is below
Intense Feelings Can Block Us
Ever had a feeling that feels too much to handle? Does your body try to shut down, refuse, or avoid that feeling?
Mine does. It’s a very… human… reaction. We’re designed to avoid pain!
But it can be tough to discern between physical pain that signals a threat to our survival and psychological pain that impacts us differently.
We all struggle with this at times, and it’s okay to feel confused or uncertain.
The good news is that we can get better at handling our emotions and even changing them. With growing skill and a bit of effort, we can become more confident in dealing with feelings that used to overwhelm us.
Let’s explore and tap on this together in our next Real Skills Workshop! It’s more effective together.
Replay is below
P.S. Adira says, “What’s the difference between a block, a cage, and a railing to keep us safe?”
What makes a belief… “Limiting” ??
A limiting belief is one that blocks you, in some way, from thriving. When you want to express yourself, it holds back your energy and zaps your eagerness back into suppression.
Limiting beliefs also tend to be… overly vague… and mean. That’s a way to spot one.
For example, “I’m not good enough!” That is absolutely a limiting belief.
It’s vague. Are you not good enough (a swimmer to swim the English Channel, or swim across a pool)? See, when made less vague, we can more easily point to a truth. I cannot swim the English Channel. I can almost always swim across a pool. I choose not to swim in the Arctic. I’m not suicidal so I wouldn’t try to swim from California to Hawaii.
If I had never swum before, it’s true I wouldn’t be good enough (a swimmer) to swim in many places without a life preserver and even supervision.
It’s mean to tell someone they are not good enough in such vague terms. It’s cruel, even. Yet, I’ve worked with so many whose parent(s) said that to them – and now their inner critic has taken up the belief.
How about, “You’ll never amount to anything.” Well, that’s vague and mean.
Or, “Life has to be a struggle.” How are we defining life? If something is hard but we actually enjoy it, must we make it into a struggle?
Vague, generalized suppression is where limiting beliefs hang out. Because we’ve often been brainwashed by others, they “feel true” in our body – but “true” only in the sense that they feel normal – The Way Things Just Are.
But not True as in having the tone and texture and brilliance of divine YES, grounded in Freedom and Possibility!
I remember someone who was told over and over they would never succeed. It felt so true! We used EFT Tapping on the attitude and energy of those who told them that – with such arrogance and put down. Those Meanies! (tap tap tap)
Then we mapped out together two “views” on success. What became so clear was that it’s true, they would never be a “success” according to how the Meanies viewed what made a person successful.
But they were already a success measured in how they define what matters!
Limiting beliefs are handed down from person to person, sometimes with “well-meaning intentions” and sometimes with, well, cruelty towards us and our actual unique gifts.
Without conscious skill and attention, limiting beliefs can block us for a lifetime.
Thriving benefits from having real skill shifting our limiting beliefs. Clearing them (at least enough to move forward!) makes all the difference.
It can even be fun! That’s how Cathy and I treat it, with respect for the impact they’ve had… blended with rebellion and sass.
That gets the energy to move. And like it or not, even if we inherited (and internalized them) from others, they are OUR beliefs now. It takes our emotional labor to clear them.
If clearing your blocks including limiting beliefs appeals to you, join us! I’d recommend you join our Emotional Freedom Circle. If you’re not quite ready for that, join us Sunday just for the workshop. See if you like our style and approach.
There’s amazing freedom and choice on the other side of these blocks…
Replay is below
P.S. Adira says, “Just because it blocks your way doesn’t mean it has to STOP you… or me! Whee!”
I’d NEVER Do That!
Are there things you would never, ever do? You just… wouldn’t. Can’t imagine yourself doing THAT.
Unless you’re one of the rare humans without the Conscience app, there are blocks to you causing intentional harm towards others.
And… there are decisions you’ve made about What Matters to You that also act as blocks to certain actions. For some, being sober matters to them so much that it blocks them from drinking or doing drugs. For some Do No Harm extends to spiders in the hall or mosquitos on their neck.
Not all blocks are stopping us from thriving. If you have a conscience, if you strive for integrity with your values, the blocks that stop you are incredibly useful!
Indeed, I believe that the parts of us that make us conscious of our impacts on others have helped humans to flourish in ways we could not have otherwise.
And… some blocks got mis-programmed into those “conscience” and “values” parts of us by accident, through trauma, or by the conditions we have lived through.
What do we do with those blocks that do not serve us?!?!?
We clear them. It takes skill. It takes some effort. Cathy and I know that helping hands make for lighter work for everyone.
Look at the emotions you want to feel more often. I’m guessing there are blocks that do not serve you. I’m also guessing there are blocks that do… but would benefit from being shifted a bit.
An example: I want to feel eager. I also value consent! It means if I am going to feel eager towards someone, I want to know it’s welcomed. If it is not, I can tone it down to appreciation, for example.
But I don’t want consent to stand in the way of my own eagerness towards my life!
I don’t want valuing this precious life (and not wanting to die prematurely!) to stop me from being wisely fearless. Safety is a spectrum… as is courage.
If this exploration resonates with you…
(1) Watch the workshop recording below
(2) Become more aware of the blocks that serve you and keep you on track and those that make living, laughing, and loving life more difficult than it needs to be.
(3) Use EFT Tapping on those unhelpful blocks to shift them… clear them off the path you want to walk.
We hope you’ll share with us, either live today or as we move forward Being What Matters.
There’s amazing freedom and choice on the other side of unhelpful blocks…
Replay is below
P.S. Adira says, “If you are having trouble with your blocks, put a bow in your hair! (Sorry Da-Da…)”
Clear Your Blocks - Session Recording
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Clear Your Blocks
[00:00:00] Clear your blocks. This is a real skills workshop and we’re part of this journey about being what matters, which as emotional freedom coaches, what that means to us is, if you want to feel something more often and that would, help you feel more thriving, it could be you want to feel more eager like I do, or more capable of feeling your anger, your authentic anger or your sadness or wise fearlessness or appreciative, whatever it is.
[00:00:30] We know that some things can stand in our way because if you’re already regularly feeling something, it probably is not calling and tapping on you saying, Hey, hey, you know, we’d like to feel more this. Uh, and so that’s. We’re going to be doing a workshop, a Real Skills, because it is a skill, and I’m very so fortunate to be here with Kathy Vai.
[00:00:57] Um, she and I have been co-creating these workshops together and the Thriving Now Circle. Um, thank you Cathy for being here and for Oh, my pleasure. The way that you have helped so many people. Um, I looked, I looked up what, you know, what is an emotional block? And it’s a, it’s a difficulty expressing an emotion.
[00:01:21] and you know, it can be caused by lack of emotional awareness, which is a big deal. And it’s not our fault necessarily, is it? It’s totally not our fault. And I think, well, this is one of my very favorite topics because I believe so many of us are capable of such amazing things, and our world needs more of you, more caring, thoughtful people that want to create something beautiful and loving and not full of hate and limiting other people.
[00:01:50] It’s like, oh, there’s plenty for all of us if we could just kind of coordinate and we weren’t so fearful. And the problem with emotional blocks is they block us from even moving, like figuring out how to do something often. They just freeze us in our tracks. Often, I think in our society, we were taught that if you, if you’re not moving forward with something, you’re not good at it, quote unquote, or you were never destined, like if someone else gets to have that.
[00:02:19] I noticed that a lot for myself around being more social super. I’m a super shy person. I was scared of people for a long time. I didn’t know how to interact with them, and my emotional blocks were so deep that I just was convinced this wasn’t for me. I was never gonna be someone that was social and could hang out comfortably with other people.
[00:02:38] I was very comfortable with my cats and my books and I could work really hard, but I was very, very lonely. And the problem with emotional blocks is it’s kind of like. Two North magnets. Have you ever tried to put two magnets together that are the same polarity? The closer you get, the harder it gets. It’s like the resistance, but there’s nothing specific.
[00:02:57] You can’t see anything. And when we have emotional blocks, that often is what happens. We’re not even l where we don’t even wanna look at the thing that we’re afraid of or we have beliefs about. So we can never tackle it. It just like avoid this area always for the rest of your life. And that just really is sad to me that there’s so many people that aren’t aware.
[00:03:20] The things we can clear, there’s things we can do so that we can actually look at this stuff and we can clear it out. And all of a sudden it may still be new, it’s maybe still awkward, but there’s not that internal resistance where you’re fighting yourself to move forward. It’s like, oh, I can learn this.
[00:03:39] Um, and I, one of my big things is if, if we don’t have an emotional block and we wanna learn something new, say I wanna learn the guitar. Okay. And I have no emotional blocks I can recognize, oh, I don’t have the right resources. I don’t have a teacher, I don’t have a guitar, but I can save my money. I can do research on where to get the best guitar.
[00:03:58] I can find a good teacher. I can recognize I don’t have skills that I need. I don’t know what to do, but I can practice them if there’s not the emotional block, oh, I’m so bad at this. I’ll never be any good. I don’t deserve to be able to climb this. I’m not musical. I, you know, people laugh all the noise.
[00:04:16] Yeah. It’s, instead it’s like, I watch Adira. We, uh, Rick’s daughter, she’s two and she’s been encouraged her entire life. I’m sure she has some emotional blocks. Humans do. But she wanted to climb something the other day that was way too tall for her. Like way it was a ladder. I would never go near the steps were like two, two feet apart.
[00:04:35] And she’s like, no. She, she said, mama, dad. If she wanted to climb that. So mom and dad, dad were either on either side of the ladder and she was putting her little foot up near her head to pull herself up to the next step. And she was totally like, I can learn this, I can get this. And I want that fearlessness that like, yeah, I may be awkward, it may be uncomfortable cause I’m learning something new, but I’m not fighting myself.
[00:05:01] We wanna take the internal breaks off in areas that it’s right for you. So just you being here is amazing. Be more aware, more conscious, being reminded if you already knew, these things can make a huge difference in your life. And I just wanna honor the courage that it takes to come to a call like this, because our internal blocks do not wanna be seen because that’s a protective mechanism they have.
[00:05:25] So they’re often like, oh, I don’t need a blocks call. I just need to work harder at something. Never, ever look at this. Mm-hmm. . So the fact that you’re here tells me you’re very courageous and curious and I love those kinds of people. Yeah. And in the, in the, uh, the email invitation that I sent out today, um, I realized, um, that when you do a certain type of work like clearing limiting beliefs and clearing bl emotional blocks, you, you can get kind of like, I hadn’t really remembered that there are blocks that really serve us.
[00:06:07] And as I was feeling into the blocks that don’t serve me, what’s interesting is it feels like they’re sort of the out of the same thing. So, for example, um, I’ve been exploring eagerness and one of the things I, I wrote down in our first session on this card, which sits here reminding me, is how does consent play into this?
[00:06:34] So I have. I have a structural block. It was, it started with trauma where it just like landed on my soul and crunched me for a while. But in the process of healing, this raw material was formed into something that, to me, says, look, consent is something I deeply value. This is a big part of what I stand for.
[00:07:02] It’s structural, it’s part of my integrity, my structural integrity, my emotions. Um, I want to have my, my block toward being non-consensual to help me stay consensual. Here’s the problem. Um, eagerness sometimes is not consensual. Honey, I’m so glad to see you wait for three hours last night. Why are you so happy?
[00:07:36] Well, I’ve had two cups of coffee and, uh, you know, I’m really happy to see you. And like, it doesn’t necessarily mean that our eagerness is going to land with someone, um, who’s always gonna be receptive. Yes. And so the limiting belief is too general. And I’m and mean like nobody wants your eagerness would be like black and white.
[00:08:05] Yeah. That’s a block. Um, Yeah, you need to always be like, um, only the little bit eager until you’re absolutely, positively sure that they’re like with you. So kind of hide it and maybe go like imperceptively, like, oh hi, you know, that’s not the same as good morning. I’m so glad to see you, whether you say it or you hold that space.
[00:08:37] Does this make sense? So, like I’m saying that as you’re looking at your, your blocks, it is part of the skill of saying, well, is there some part of that that is wise, some part of that, that honors something that’s important to me,
[00:09:04] as Kathy said, You know, as children we sort of understand that we don’t have all the skills, but there’s a certain drive and desire that takes us from step to step to step to step. And if you have the desire and you’re taking step by step by step, and you pause or you feel like, ah, and you want to run or hide or shut down, we talked about that in our suppressing yourself.
[00:09:32] Um, that that’s a clue. It’s a clue that maybe, you know, while you were walking along the trail, you stubbed your toe on this block, you scraped your chin, you fell over emotionally, energetically, and now you’re going to do what you do if you fell over. Anytime you kind of check yourself out and you clear the block, you put it someplace where it can provide part of your structural integrity.
[00:10:05] Yeah. And isn’t eagerness like wagging your tail? Well, physically, yeah. Like some people love the fact that our, our pets sometimes can show their eagerness. Um, and yet, you know, even if you look at pet owners, not everyone, if they’ve had a really terrible day at work, is really excited to have their dog jumping up on them.
[00:10:24] Mm-hmm. , and this is part of that, that ecosystem. Kathy? Yeah, I think, I love that you brought this up because I do think there are blocks that. They’re there for good reasons. So I’ve worked with some people that are in a country where there’s a lot of oppression of women and I can help them with the trauma and the feelings about it.
[00:10:45] But it is legitimately unsafe for them to push certain boundaries too far. So their block, their fear around it is currently in the present with very good reason. Like if they did that, they could literally be killed. So we don’t wanna take that kind of block away. We don’t wanna try to erase that. And the nice thing about tapping is it doesn’t help us create false realities.
[00:11:07] It helps us see things more clearly. And it, there could also be blocks that are past tense. Like, oh, when I was a kid, this was unacceptable. I should not drive on the freeway when I’m four, but it’s fine when I’m 25. Like we wanna, we wanna have the clarity and the awareness and the consciousness of it.
[00:11:26] And like for Rick, the consensual part of it is, I. , um, the analogy of the dog I love cuz I, I, I’m not a big dog person. I don’t like to be jumped on or licked. I love the dogs that kind of, they’re wagging their tail and they’re looking for an invitation forward. They’re like signaling, they’d like to be like they love people that like mall them and everything, but they’re looking at you and kind of seeing what’s your response right now?
[00:11:50] Like, is this something you want or is this some? And I’m like, Good dog. I’m gonna pet you on the head and I’m gonna give you a treat. And then we’re done. Like, you can sit near me, but don’t jump on me. Versus another person comes in the door and it’s like, oh, come here, come here. Jump on me. Like, we can moderate.
[00:12:05] So there’s the current blocks that are there for a really good reason. There’s not a sa there. Maybe that’s not safe or it, it’s not acceptable in in the community we’re in or the people we’re interacting. There’s past tense and then there’s the ones that are kind of like a little more fluid and we can kind of, oh, listen to them, rather than making them black and white.
[00:12:25] Our survival brain wants to make everything black and white, like this is safe. This is not safe because it helps it make quick decisions. There’s less energy involved, but it also limits our freedom. So when we start making it more c. then, oh, okay. I can choose, you know, Mary almost never wants me to be enthusiastic.
[00:12:47] I can kind of check in, but these other people are usually pretty good. But I can look and see if they look really tired or if they feel, you know, they’re stepping back a little, I can pay attention. So there’s a, mm-hmm. , we have more range than more room to play. And I think that’s just so important in our lives that we get to be with people as they are and also have room to be ourselves.
[00:13:09] Yeah. So, um, in the chat, if you’re interested in, um, you feel drawn to what is it that you want to experience more? Uh, did you pick an emotion and then know what matters to you, uh, workshop that you’ve been engaging around, or if there’s a fresh one? Um, and when you go in that direction, what comes up for you?
[00:13:37] Because a block can be a feeling. , right? Like, uh, I just start feeling really uncomfortable. Oh, I get this tightness in my chest, my belly goes, uh, uh, like something you don’t even know what’s going on. It’s great beta. Turn into it, if you can. In the support of the circle, right? Uh, could be a belief in the terms of like, uh, a statement.
[00:13:59] Oh, uh, uh, or something that’s mean. Like I said, one of the, one of the clues about limiting beliefs, beliefs that don’t serve us are they’re very general, vague, general, and mean that there’s an edge to it, not the kind of thing that, you know, if you thought of a compassionate, empathetic person that they would typically, uh, ever come out of their mouth, that would be a kind of limiting belief that comes from somewhere.
[00:14:29] Um, could it be from a past trauma, how we were parented, things like that. Um, And so, yeah. Yeah, that’s what we’re looking for, to get an idea of where people are. Mm-hmm. . So if you’re want, oh, sorry. If you’re wanting one of those things, what comes up for you is, is there a block that you’ve noticed? So if you wanna step more into vibrations of harmony and joy, what stands in the way of that, or isn’t supporting you in that?
[00:15:05] Someone shared in the chat in the US we have a cultural belief about failure. I think that is a, I mean, I think a lot of our culture is success versus failure. I think a lot of people are in their survival brain. Um, we’re very culture acculturated to success. Being I achieved anything I want, I’m gonna drive forward.
[00:15:26] There’s so many people talking about motivation and, um, accountability and just, you just get it done. It doesn’t matter what resistance you have, that’s really hard on our engines, and I think that’s a very black and white survival based model versus, oh, I can play like a deer. I can try this and it didn’t work out really well.
[00:15:46] I can try a different way. I can work through, I can clear out the gunk that’s in my engine so I’m not having to fight myself and I can, my engine can work really effect effectively and I get to decide. My decide my own versions of success are failure where we’re, again, culture cultured. We see TV where the actor comes in and they’re like, I’ll swab and they do the something for the first time and it goes perfectly, and they look all debonair with a martini in their hand and they’re like, It’s not life.
[00:16:17] It’s just not life. They got to practice it a time. Zillion times they have stunt doubles. Someone wrote the script, filmed for them for the right angle. And our poor brains are like, but I’m supposed to look like that to be okay. And it just isn’t true. It’s a lie. And it, it’s a lie. It’s entertaining. Our brains kind of love the idea of being that like fluid about things.
[00:16:38] And every once in a while it will happen and it’s fun, but every ordinary, every life is not, we don’t get 35 dress rehearsals and someone saying, cut. I’m gonna splice the best moments of these together. We just get to be ourselves in the moment. And for me, success is being with myself. where I am, whether it’s awkward or uncomfortable.
[00:17:01] We’ll talk a little bit more about this as we move forward, um, because a lot of times getting through these blocks can feel awkward. And then once we’re on the other side, it’s still sometimes a little awkward, not what probably people want to hear, but we do. When we’re learning new things or doing new things, things that we maybe stopped ourselves from doing our entire life.
[00:17:20] We’re not gonna be super fluid about it, but the only way to get to the, the com conscious confidence area is to move through that awkward side. So, um, we use an emotional technology, emotional tool called E F T Tapping. You can go to thriving now.com/tapping and you can access our, our free course, um, and eBooks and.
[00:17:46] They’re there for you. We’re not gonna be teaching tapping, but if you’re watching this, uh, you can follow along. Um, change the words if you want. So one of the, uh, someone said, I had an experience with my feeling, which is skillful anger. Um, that on one hand was successful Yay. And also gave me feedback that the cost was high physically for me.
[00:18:09] So now what? It’s such a great question or comment. Yeah. Like, to me, that is a useful block. I call it a powerful pause. It’s like, okay, I’ve got data now and this is, this is how we, I would, uh, tap on that. Yeah. Yeah. So, um, even though I did get to experience skillful anger, even though I did get to experience skillful anger, yay.
[00:18:41] Yay. Um, it’s cost for me physically was high. It’s cost for me physically was high, and I’m open to clarity about what’s next. And I’m open for clarity about what’s next. Top of the head. The cost was high. The cost was high eyebrow. Uh, the cost of not having anger was high. The cost of not hanging, having anger was high outta the eye.
[00:19:07] The cost of not being skillful with anger is high. The cost of not being skillful with anger is high. Under, under the eye. Anger is expensive. Anger is expensive Under those. Anger can be expensive. Anger can be expensive. Chin. I wonder if it could be what now? As you each of us pause for a moment, what would you, what in your imagination, anger could be.
[00:19:41] What for me? And just pause for a moment and feel into your body. Well, you know, anger can be expensive to relationships, my body, tap, tap, tap. But I’m wondering if anger could be,
[00:19:59] what do you think, Kathy? What do you Um, I think just like any emotion or any skill, if we haven’t had a lot of practice with it, our channels may be rusty. So often when I’m feeling a new anger or trying to process something new, it feels like a lot of work. But as I practice, it starts getting smoother and more easy.
[00:20:19] So ease useful is something that Yeah. Call on. I’m wondering if it could be useful. I’m wondering if it could be useful. When it’s, when it’s needed, when it’s needed, when it’s helpful, when it’s helpful, when it’s authentic. When it’s authentic under the arm. I wonder if anger could be clarifying. I wonder if anger could be clarified.
[00:20:41] This is important to me. This is important to me. Hmm. I wonder if anger could be clarifying for me. I wonder if anger could be clarifying for me.
[00:20:55] This is part of the skill of you try something on and you get some feedback about a belief or a question and you pause with it and you ask your being what’s the next step on the, like if I clear the block, like for me, anger, um, anger was something that I’d only seen be destructive. Mm-hmm. rather than clarifying.
[00:21:26] I didn’t even, the concept of anger being clarifying was not something I could be aware of until I heard it. And I heard it as anger is the purest form of ouch. I’m like, oh yeah, that’s me. Pure form of o. And then the next step after that was it clarifies what really hurts, what really matters. If I ask the question, I am this angry about it, what really matters to me here.
[00:21:57] Yeah. Um, does that make Yeah, it makes a lot of sense. And I also, um, I just wanna specify that sometimes when we haven’t been able to access a feeling for a while, like we, I have trouble with anger as well. Like Rick, I often sought use very destructively and very toxically, so I can feel like an emotional hangover when I do it.
[00:22:20] Um, often I finally get in the space and I push myself to like experience as much as I can, as opposed to doing baby steps, like mm-hmm. , oh, maybe I could be angry for a minute or two minutes. So some of the, the physically exhausting the cost might be that. without, without a lot of experience. Maybe you experienced it, you pushed yourself to feel it, or it was really burling up and it wanted to come out, so you kind of taxed your system.
[00:22:45] And I do think we get very quickly stronger if we can do things in baby steps. Like if I do two minutes and two minutes and two minutes and all of a sudden I can do, you know, a few more minutes and then I start, my system starts getting less taxed by it. I, I get very sad when I, I make myself sad when I see people that try something that they’ve been wanting to try and they feel tired and then they’re afraid to ever do it again.
[00:23:10] When it might be that that was just that first time, it might be really like the first time you clean out a closet that’s never been cleaned. It’s a lot of work. But if you just, would you do some tapping with us about like, I should be good at this already, . Mm-hmm. . Yes. Yes. That’s a limiting belief, right?
[00:23:26] Yes. So I’d invite you to take a nice deep breath and be present with your body if you can notice your butt on the seat. The feet on the floor. Karate chap. Even though I should be good at this already, even though I should be good at this already. Everyone else’s, aren’t they? Everyone else’s, aren’t they?
[00:23:45] Why can’t I feel my own emotions?
[00:23:50] Why can’t I feel my own emotions? I did stuff them in the closet for a long time. I did stuff them in the closet for a long time, or at least that one. Yeah, I’ve been really afraid of that emotion. I’ve been really afraid of that feeling, that emotion. No wonder, yeah, no wonder I feel tired after feeling it for a little bit.
[00:24:10] No wonder I feel tired after feeling it and I worried that I did something wrong and a part of me is worried I did something wrong, that I should never feel this emotion again. Maybe I should just never feel this emotion again. Top of that, what if that first round cleared out a lot of stuff? What if that first round cleared out?
[00:24:30] A lot of stuff. I round. No wonder I’m so tired. No wonder I’m so tired. That was a big block. side of the eye. What if I can take it in baby steps? What if I can take it in baby steps under the eye? I don’t have to drink a gallon of it. I don’t have to drink a gallon of it under the nose. I can take baby sips.
[00:24:51] I can baby ba take baby sips chin. I can feel a little bit and notice how strong I’m getting. I can feel a little bit and notice how strong I’m getting collarbone. I can pay attention to my body. I can pay attention to my body under the arm and turn it on and off as I need and turn it on and off as I need top of the head.
[00:25:17] I don’t have to run away from this emotion. I don’t have to run away from this emotion. Maybe I’m doing great. Maybe I’m doing. and just take a breath, breath. And I invite you to notice that. And if you have a lot of trauma or a lot of intense feelings, like anger is very hard for grief. They’re hard ones for us to experience sometimes I invite you to get a coach, go on one of the, rick does the, the unrecorded, uh, circle calls, get some support from people to feel this.
[00:25:47] Because so much of us, a lot of trauma happens in isolation. Maybe someone else did something to us, but we felt alone and overwhelmed. And having someone that can support you and say, I’m okay to be here with your anger. I’m okay to be here with your grief, um, can be so healing and so supportive and it can feel less overwhelming.
[00:26:10] And I, I’ve done a lot of grief and anger work with, with Rick and with some other people. And having someone say, you know, I think that’s probably enough for today. I’m like, no, I can do more. It’s like, How about we just let your body settle with that? Like, we’re not always as good at regulating ourselves until we get some practice and someone from the outside might be able to say, wow, that was a lot of energy.
[00:26:31] Why don’t you just, you know, how about some, some chill time to let your body acclimate. So I, I love that you brought up this topic because as we clear blocks, there’s often grief or anger or fear behind them, and it can be a lot to clear those. It can, it can feel like, I’m so tired I can’t do this ever again.
[00:26:49] Versus you’re on the first step of a really important journey and maybe we just need just having someone supporting or smaller steps or just like, oh, I’m gonna save an afternoon to process this cause I know I’m tired afterwards. So I hope that helps. I just think it’s such an important topic. Someone wrote, I want to step into, uh, excuse me, um, connection with kindred souls that they desire.
[00:27:14] And the block is, I don’t wanna engage too quickly with new acquaintance because I may misread them. So to me, there’s a block and the question is, what’s the wisdom? Like here’s part of this skill. Oh, I don’t wanna engage too quickly with a new acquaintance because I may misread them. What’s the wisdom in there?
[00:27:39] You can start with what’s the wisdom related to your physical or emotional safety? We can misread read people. Right. Okay. Um, what’s another bit of wisdom there? Some people I don’t want to engage too quickly. Right? Like that’s like I may dive in. Without checking to see what’s under the surface. Does that make sense?
[00:28:07] Like there are people that go and they say, oh, what a beautiful lake. And they jump up on a rock and they dive into the lake and they did not check , uh, what was below the surface. And that definitely applies in relationships too. So here’s part of the skill here is saying, you know, this block is here to serve me.
[00:28:28] There is some wisdom in it. Like I found that if, um, whoever shared that, if you didn’t like, pick up on your own wisdom there, um, that’s an opportunity. What I do is I will write down like, what’s my block to this? And then I’ll come back to it and look at it like, oh, a note from Rick. Where’s the wisdom? In this, you can often like pick up from yourself if you give it a break, your own wisdom, even if when you’re really triggered, like, I really want connection so bad.
[00:29:01] my block is this. You don’t necessarily pick it up. So this is, this is a little bit how I would be honest with myself about that. Even though I desperately want more connection, even though I desperately want more connection, it’s so important to my thriving. It’s so important to my thriving, and I want it to be with people.
[00:29:20] I share a kindred sense with. And it’s, I want it to be with people. I share a kindred sense with. I have a block. I have a block. And it does stop me. And it does stop me. And I want it to find its right place in my inner wisdom. And I want to find its right place in my inner wisdom. I do not want to engage too quickly.
[00:29:46] I do not wanna engage too quickly. I feel the wisdom in that. I feel the wisdom in that eyebrow, and I might misread them. I might misread them side of the eye. It takes time to get to know someone. It takes time to get to know someone under the eye. I can get a sense right away. I can get a sense right away under the nose.
[00:30:12] And what if I cultivated it at a more what kind of pace? How would you describe a pace? Each of us, how would you describe your own pace of cultivating a deeper kinship with somebody so that you, you get a sense as you go, what they’re made of, what their values are and things like that. There’s a sense of your own nourishment, right?
[00:30:43] Rather than being, holding back in fear, but there’s a kind of a pa what, what would you call that?
[00:30:51] I love the, the idea of an authentic, I, I think sometimes we like to pretend we’ll project onto that other person that they’re what we really want versus being real with ourselves and our, and that person giving ourselves time to know, know them. Um, I think often when we rush in, I’ve certainly have fingers pointing back at me.
[00:31:13] I’m like, I’m creating that, that person seemed, we had a few initial interactions that felt really good, and now I’m gonna pretend that that person is what I want because I’m so hungry for that connection, or I’m so afraid of not finding it or whatever’s going on, and then I push myself to go further than is really authentic for my body and my being in that moment.
[00:31:33] Yeah. Yeah. Like for me, um, you know, the relationship I had with my partner developed over a long period of time, and for each of us, there was a pacing. , there was, um, like an awareness that we might like, feel a little bit more close than we were comfortable with in that moment and need a chance to kind of recalibrate.
[00:32:01] So like, my practice is right distance, right depth. So you might, you might share something with someone and go like, oh, that was a little too emotionally naked, the . But then you get an opportunity to see how they are with. Um, I think go back to that eagerness, like how does, like if you have someone who’s normally eager, they might have a day where they’re not so eager or they’re overwhelmed, the closeness as well, can I be present with that person and kind of let us breathe in and out with our relationship where it’s a little closer?
[00:32:37] Other times, other times it might be a little more just we, it doesn’t always have to be the same depth, each relationship. Um, I almost always have a deep relationship with Rick and there are times when I call and he is been up since four. He is tired and I can tell he just doesn’t wanna like, dive into the philoso.
[00:32:55] I don’t have any depth , but we can, we can connect and know where each other is there. Um, and I don’t wanna interrupt you finishing that, tapping around if you were going to, but I think there’s something else there that I’d like to address. Um, yeah, and I’d, I’d like to. I, there’s a bunch of them, which I think fit into the category of, um, what I’m trying to feel is too scary.
[00:33:22] So I’m gonna use my default shutdown. Um, um, I think that what I’d love to do, some tapping and perfectionism, because I think that can apply to many of these things, but it definitely comes up. Um, if we grew up around people that if we didn’t get it right, the connection, there were consequences that were pretty severe.
[00:33:42] And for little kids trying to deal with overwhelmed parents or perhaps toxic parents, there were a lot of, there could be a lot of negative feedback if we didn’t guess. Right. So there can be a fear of connecting with people. Like, I have to know how deep to go. I have to know how to interact. I don’t wanna mess this up.
[00:34:01] Um, and then we don’t even really try. Um, yeah. So is it, I’d love to do a little tapping on that. Yeah. And then I’ll. Then we’ll engage around some of these others that are, that are there. Yeah. Okay. Thank you. Chu. Even though I’d like to connect with other people, even though I’d like to connect with other people and I, there’s a lot of other things I wanna do, and there’s a lot of other things I want to do too.
[00:34:28] I feel like I have to get it just right. I feel like I have to get it just right, even if I’ve never interacted with that person before. Even if I’ve never interacted with that person before. , I have to, no pressure. Yeah. I have to be perfect. I have to be perfect. No wonder I don’t engage. No wonder I don’t engage top of the head.
[00:34:52] That might have been true when I was little. That might have been true when I was little. I’d rather was a lot of pressure to get it right. There was so much pressure to get it right side of the eye. If I didn’t, I might lose out or get in trouble. If I didn’t, I might lose out or get in trouble under the eye or even something worse,
[00:35:16] or even something worse under the nose. No wonder there’s so much pressure to get it right. No wonder there’s so much pressure to get it right chin. There’s not so much pressure for me right now. There’s not so much pressure for me right now collarbone. If I’m engaging with someone who’s pretty aware, if I’m engaging with someone that’s pretty aware under the arm, I can just admit, Hey, I feel like I didn’t do that very well.
[00:35:44] I could even admit, Hey, I didn’t do that very well. Top of the head. Could we try again? Could we try again? Eyebrow, what if it’s okay to be awkward? What if it’s okay to be awkward side of the eye? My survival brain does not like that idea. My survival brain does not like that idea under the eye because it was so dangerous when I was little.
[00:36:06] Because it was so, so dangerous when I was little under the nose. What if I don’t have to be perfect? Now? What if I don’t have to be perfect? Now, chin, what if I can try to choose savvy people? I can try to choose savvy people, collarbone, and if they, if I judged wrong, I don’t have to keep engaging with them.
[00:36:26] I, I judge wrong. I don’t have to keep engaging with them under the arm. I can learn how to interact with them. I can learn how to interact with them. Top of that, maybe it’s okay to interact at the right depth and right distance. Maybe it’s okay to interact at the right depth and right distance for me.
[00:36:47] Yeah. And I invite you. Just take a deep breath and let that sink in if you can, and let that be a changing thing, . Yeah. Well, I think so many times we feel like until I know I can do it perfectly and safely, I’m never gonna engage. And I think it’s important to ask ourselves, is the safety issue now about now?
[00:37:06] Or is it about when I was a child or a different time in my life? Because if it’s not really talking to your neighbor and not getting it quite right. hopefully is not gonna cause like them to like rip down your fence and send the dogs after you. But our survival brain often thinks that, so, oh, what if I don’t have to be perfect?
[00:37:25] What if I can be a little awkward at this? What if that gives the other person permission to be a little awkward too? And I think that copies and paste over to so many different things where we try to be perfect to be safe so we don’t even start because we can’t guarantee we’ll be perfect at it. One of the reasons I, I felt this whole series of be what matters is important for emotional freedom is that there’s a difference between learning the guitar and being eager or being peaceful or being, um, playful, um, of being an skillfully angry or wisely fearless, even if you felt like a coward your whole life.
[00:38:14] This is, I believe in the opportunity for each of us as a human being to, to stretch our emotional range, to, you know, to feel into ourselves like, oh yeah, that’s one I really want. That’s, that is who I am. And maybe it’s been suppressed and maybe it’s been, it’s surround, surrounded by blocks, maybe it’s scary.
[00:38:38] And what happens when I even try to go there is something knee jerk comes up. How do you, how do you, how can you tell that something is so scary that you just go to your default? A default? Like, I’m too old. Guess what? for emotions. You’re too old. Um, now that could, you could have been answering that around, uh, playing the guitar or doing something.
[00:39:06] And maybe that’s like, I’m. I’m too old to be a child star. That is absolutely true. . Um, I, I, so, but here, let’s continue on like, and feel the knee jerk ness of this. If you were talking about be a state of being, that is you, who you are, a feeling that you want to experience that doesn’t require anyone else for you to have that experience and your reaction is, I don’t matter.
[00:39:44] I’m pretty sure whoever said that, that there’s no one else on this call, that within a minute, just 60 seconds of meeting, you would look at you and say, you don’t matter. Even if you heard it from people that were supposed to like tend to you and care for you and love you. I’m really sure seeing the faces and names here, that that’s not our attitude.
[00:40:09] you matter. But what I’m saying here too is if that’s where you go to, that’s your block. It’s like, oh, this is, I don’t matter that it doesn’t mean it’s true, but it’s there to keep you safe or to be a comfortable place. Like I’m stupid.
[00:40:31] If, if that’s the, the interpretation that you have, it’s a very knee jerk. It’s mean, it’s very vague. Like what do you mean by stupid? There are multiple intelligences. Are you emotionally like, not where you want to be? Intellectually not, uh, I am really stupid when it comes to certain technologies. I’m a technologist.
[00:40:54] I’m not a stupid person. But when there comes to like the, the work that Kathy does, I don’t know. Anything much about it. And so if she took me into her lab, I’d be stupid. But if that’s more specific, and I wouldn’t even use the term, but if you go there, I’m stupid. I’m not creative. Really? You haven’t done anything creative in your life.
[00:41:21] Nothing. Oh, well man, that Yeah. Yeah. But it’s okay for you to know with emotional awareness that, oh, that’s where I go to, that’s, that’s my structure. Like sometimes when we’re scared we go to these really mean beliefs about ourselves, because that’s comfortable. We’ve said it a thousand million trillion times to ourselves.
[00:41:49] I’m not creative. Um, I’ve misspent and wasted most of, most of my life, really. Like I know this person. I don’t spend more than a few hours, maybe at most with, with, with them. And so I don’t even know what that means, but it’s a belief that is a knee jerk reaction to, to feeling or, or looking, um, in some way.
[00:42:20] That’s my interpretation of it. Um, one of the things that I think is really, it’s helped me, and I wanna just add it in here in case it’s helpful to you. I sometimes will get worried about something. I’ll read an article about narcissists or people that aren’t creative, and I’m like, oh, I’m not creative.
[00:42:38] I’m not, I’m, maybe I’m too selfish or whatever. And , one of my coaches was like, do you realize that no narcissists would worry that they’re a narciss? And I was like, huh, that’s, I guess that’s probably true. If you think that you’re not creative or you’re not and you’re willing to, especially you’re willing to share it here with us, it’s probably not the truth about you.
[00:43:02] It may mean that you have a desire to expand in that direction, but I think just the same with the narcissist part. If you think, if you’re willing to say, I am not creative, and share that here, that’s a pretty creative way to block. . So like, oh, maybe you’re very more creative than you realize. Oh, no, . So I just invite you to just try that on that if you, that the very fact that you care about creativity, that you thought about it and you shared it here.
[00:43:32] Hmm. I bet you’re pretty creative and maybe you just, you have that belief to protect yourself for, so for some reason, yeah. We, we get these beliefs and this is, Rick was the first person that really helped me with this, Hey Rick and Eck was Unlimiting beliefs and understanding how these subconscious blocks get in the way.
[00:43:50] And Rick’s just amazing at, at digging that out. Um, But we can use the words, the things we’re willing to say and maybe flip them, oh, I’m so scared. I’m a narcissist. Well, a real true narcissist would not be worried about this at all. Uh, I’m worried I’m not creative. If someone is really that dull and uncreative, would they be on a call like this?
[00:44:12] Much less sharing that they don’t feel creative? To me, it’s a, it’s a sign that there’s, there’s a lot of creativity there. Maybe it’s bottled up, but it’s there. So, um,
[00:44:33] side of the hand, even though I have this reaction, even though I have this reaction, it’s not very nice to myself. It is not very nice to myself. Happy things is not even true. , it might not even be true.
[00:44:55] What if I, what if it isn’t true? What if it isn’t true?
[00:45:03] I have no value. I have no value eyebrow. Really, really? I just put that in the chat. I just put that on chat. Yeah. It’s, it’s directing our group. It’s directing our group. But I have, I’m of no value. I have no value. Don’t take that away from me. Don’t take that away from me. That feels really structural.
[00:45:27] That feels very structural. . I think that that serves me somehow. I think it serves me somehow, and I’m open to shifting it just a bit. I’m open to shifting it just a bit. Being a bit more specific. Being a bit more specific eyebrow, uh, Maybe some people don’t value who I am. Maybe some people don’t value who I am side of the eye.
[00:45:56] What if that’s actually okay? What if that’s actually okay under the eye? I don’t value everyone. I don’t value everyone under the nose the same. I don’t value them all the same. Oh, what does it mean to have no value? What does it mean to have no value? Hold on. What does it mean to ha not be good enough?
[00:46:17] What does it mean to not be good enough? That’s just so, so vague. It’s so vague. Doesn’t actually help me that much. Doesn’t actually help me that much. Eyebrow. I have no value as a car. I have no value as a car. Sorry. I am not good enough to swim. From Massachusetts to the Suez Canal, I am not good enough to, from , Massachusetts to the Suez Canal.
[00:46:49] Yeah, but maybe I’m not being specific enough. Maybe I’m not being specific enough in a way that serves me in a way that serves me. Jen. No one is good enough for every use. No one is good enough for every use. Oh, collarbone. But I do deserve to feel. I do. I do deserve to feel. I do deserve to feel what I want to feel, what I want to feel.
[00:47:20] I’m shifting this block right now. I’m shifting this block right now, and it’s okay for it to come up again, and it’s okay to have this come up again. and it’s also an invitation for me to go deeper. It’s also an invitation for me to go deeper into what’s really scaring me here into what’s really scaring me here.
[00:47:48] We probably got these voices, these me negative messages from other people initially, and then we internalize them. And I invite this, this is not universal, but it’s one way to, to try it on is to say, do I make myself less valuable to tolerate the way other people treated me in the way I treat myself? . So if we were treated with neglect or people didn’t really get us when we were kids or abuse it, can we have to figure how to tolerate that?
[00:48:19] Like to make it fit into our worldview? And one of the ways that some sensitive people do this is by making themselves less important. So it doesn’t really matter that this bad thing is happening to the, to, to the individual cuz they’re not as important or they’re not as worthwhile or they’re stupid or fat, or not creative or whatever was valued in the family.
[00:48:41] Mm-hmm. . So I just to try that on because that was one of the hooks that helped me, like realizing, oh, I’m internalizing these outside negative things is a way to cope with what I’m feeling. Cope with what I’m dealing with. Yeah. Um, and that was a powerful like, oh, well I don’t really want to do that anymore.
[00:49:00] At least consciously I can. I had something solid to hold onto.
[00:49:08] I appreciate the feedback in the chat. Mm-hmm. . Um, so what does it mean to clear a block? You’ll notice that I’m, I’m not using a steamroller. Okay. Um, I, that’s not my style. It doesn’t work for me. It’s not the rah rah, rah, we’re gonna get past this and push forward. Well, you said it’s fundamental, it’s structural sometimes.
[00:49:30] Yeah. Like ripping that out is like ripping the beams out of the house until you, so if I have a structural belief, like I, I have no value, um,
[00:49:43] uh, I’m gonna have a feeling about that. Like, it’s like for me, having had that feeling at one time, really questioning whether I had any value. Um, there’s like this sensation on my face. It’s not particularly strong anymore, but if it’s strong for you, being with the feeling a bit just to not even saying anything and just like, Hmm, this feeling that comes up around having no value, this feeling that comes up around having no value.
[00:50:27] What do I value? What do I value? What do I value? What do I value?
[00:50:41] Do I embody any of those values? Do I embody any of those values? Do I ever show what I value? Do I ever show what I value? What’s something I value? What’s something I value? And, and never each of us pause for a moment. Like, what’s something that you value? Hmm.
[00:51:18] If I value, um, kindness and generosity and appreciating, and I feel like I have no value, I can go to, look. Look, I value a world that has appreciation and so this person who wrote with courage, I’m of no value, has touched my heart and I really appreciate that contribution to our circle and the work we’re doing.
[00:51:50] This means that. To me, it’s part of being a hardy workshop. The person who said, you know, I’m not good enough. It’s very generalized. Thank you. Bless you. It really means a lot to me. Like, how do we tap on something that’s generalized? Well, what do you notice in your world that’s good enough that you contributed to a bit, right?
[00:52:17] Like, you’re here, you’re, you’re holding space in this, you shared. Does that something that fits with your view of being like, it fits with Maya, not only just good enough. I invited it, I asked for this and, and you came through. Um, in my world, it’s not just good enough. It’s like this can’t happen the way that I, I, I, so my soul wants, was eager to hear things like this as real as they are from my circle.
[00:52:50] So I know you better. . And so, um, when we are clear about what we value, we can, we can, we can start being in that. Like, I’ve, I value, um, I value generosity. Is there some way that, that you’ve been generous today If you value that too. I, I invite you to try on some lenses, like the analogy I sometimes use is some of us didn’t fit into our family of origin.
[00:53:23] We were kids being raised by Ducks . And what they valued was like swimming really well and, and diving for fish and like, you know, quacking. And I’m a kitten and I’m like good at climbing trees and meowing and like in my family of origin, they care a lot about babies and dressing a certain way and putting makeup on.
[00:53:43] And I’m like, don’t care about any of those things at all. Like, seriously, you c please put my eyes out before you make me sit there and talk about that for more than five hours. Um, and so we, I learned through their lens. I didn’t fit, I didn’t belong. I didn’t have the values they perceive, they valued.
[00:54:02] And I was a kitten raised by, by ducks. It doesn’t mean the ducks are wrong, it just means they’re doing the best. And they’re like, why won’t this? Beans swim. What’s wrong? It doesn’t quack at all. So maybe we can kind of like say, huh, what lenses am I wearing? Am I wearing lenses for a duck when I’m a kitten or now a cat?
[00:54:22] Like, I think that can be a way to kind of expand our views and step outside of the rigid blocks that some of us have from when we were little. Mm-hmm. . So we like to take a seven minute break and this feels like a good, uh, moment to do that. If you’re on watching the, the workshop on a, on a asynchronous basis and your time, and space, we invite you to take a break here too.
[00:54:48] We’re gonna pause the recording and see you in seven minutes. Welcome back. Thank you. Um, Kathy, do you have an intuition of where you’d like to go next with us? Um, well, I think, I think this is a common thing for folks and someone shared that they just, they get flooded. Um, that was your words, Rick, when or applying that someone asked them to do something and they just, they can’t even hear the person saying it.
[00:55:15] They, the belief is they can’t do it or they’ll fail. and I just wanna, like, there’s a lot there. We could do many hours on this and maybe we should do a follow up call on blocks because this is obviously so much to deal with here. But one of the things that I do to myself, and I’ve worked with clients that have as well, is we make it too big.
[00:55:35] It’s a big block. Like, I can’t do that, it’s too much. Versus like, when I’m not in Survival Brain, I’m like, oh, I, oh, of course I can’t do it all at once, or I can’t do it all right now. I can, but I can break it into steps and, and do that. Um, and one of the things that Rick often talks about is making things into little baby steps.
[00:55:55] So if I need to do something that needs to get done, um, and I’m feeling overwhelmed, can I break it down? So like, maybe I need to call someone, can I break it down to just looking up the number? and writing that down, that’s like one step. And then could I then call, write down three points I wanna say with that person, and then like, breaking it into baby steps, which I think we naturally do when we feel competent about something, but when we feelt incompetent or we feel overwhelmed, it’s like, I’ve gotta do all this, so I’m not gonna do any of it.
[00:56:27] Yeah. Um, , which goes to like someone, uh, we had a, a bunch of people that when we asked, you know, what do you wanna focus on? They said they wanted to be content with themselves. Um, now the big huge thing is always content with myself in every way, deeply and completely content with myself all the time. And that’s like all of a sudden I just feel terrified by that, that idea.
[00:56:56] I go like, I can’t do that. There’s no way. You feel my, my energy goes backwards. Mm-hmm. , . , and that’s not the skillful approach. It is a reaction. The skill is like, oh, I just reacted that way. Tap, tap, tap. And the, we call 'em baby steps. You can also call 'em micro steps. You can call them like, Hmm, Hey, if I imagine being just a little bit more content with myself,
[00:57:29] what might I, what might I actually allow myself right now? Mm-hmm. to feel a little bit more content than I have been. Maybe I’ve been more of a, a driver, or my desire is so strong, is there’s some area of my life over here where I could have this feeling because it matters to. being content with myself if you’d like.
[00:57:56] Let’s try that on
[00:58:00] And you may feel like, well, I can’t be content about myself financially, because maybe that’s a big, ugly monster, um, right now in your world. Um, but maybe you can be content with what? Well, you know,
[00:58:23] hmm.
[00:58:29] Maybe there’s a step in there that felt good, like maybe you, uh, paid off a bill or you canceled a subscription you didn’t need. What’s a, what’s something in the financial world that you can, oh, I did pay that bill even though I was scared of facing that. It wasn’t as much as I wanted. I don’t, I feel like I’m behind, but I What did you do?
[00:58:49] Because we tend to focus on the negative on what we haven’t done. I think that’s where you were headed, right? Yes. So, and in the same way, like peaceful. Mm-hmm. , um, maybe you’re a pretty wired person still as you’re predominant energy is pretty wired. Um, this practice is about a state of being. Well, what’s a state of being that’s a bit more peaceful for you?
[00:59:18] Compared to the rest of your life already. So maybe, you know, when you’re at your computer working, you’ve got a certain amount of anxiety or something, um, worry. Let’s say when you’re walking your dog, you’re actually like more peaceful. This is where the skill would be. Oh, as I walk my dog, I’m going to clear a block a bit to allowing myself to be just a bit more peaceful.
[00:59:53] You’re recalibrating. It’s like you ha your path which you walk with your dog. Um, you make it a bit wider by clear, by shifting a block over, like, oh, I have to be all the have tos and other things, which normally drive your lack of peacefulness as a state. Um, you find a place where you can be. . Um, for me, I’m using a, um, an evening, uh, tea.
[01:00:18] Mm-hmm. , right? It’s like, okay, I like this practice of peacefulness too. And so I, I drop in more, I bring more of my presence in my body into being with the intention. This is my peaceful moment. Moment. Just a moment. And there’s usually when I’m sipping the tea, um, maybe it’s the second sip or the third sip where there’s a sense of peacefulness coming to me.
[01:00:50] And what’s interesting is from a place of peacefulness, thank you for all of you who said that. Um, I can be more, what I would call softly, eager for the day to come. I am not necessarily gonna be raring up in, in the evening, but I can experience my eagerness, what I want to experience more easily from a place of peace.
[01:01:15] Your, your peacefulness may be easier to access from this, the place of connection with your, your animal or a pet or your playfulness with someone. You may find it really easy to be peaceful after you see something that someone posts and that just makes you laugh. Um, and you’re like, oh, it’s actually a lot easier for me to, to go from laughter to peacefulness.
[01:01:42] You’re finding that your emotional journey, um, there is some things are more accessible. It’s, we know that about roads and our inner highways are the same. Our states of being, um, Some states of being, you can’t get there from there, . Right. You, you go someplace else. And um, you know, I mentioned that uh, a certain emotional state can be like a bridge that takes you to where you want to go.
[01:02:15] Mm-hmm. and being, looking for that to me as part of, um, Using those, those structural things inside you to get where you want to be. I think if it’s okay, I’ll use that to bridge. Cause I think it’s related. Someone shared, they have a block to getting friendly because I don’t want, I don’t wanna be trapped, don’t like to be trapped.
[01:02:35] A woman asked me to come onto her porch and I felt like, uh, that trapped feeling came up. Um, so. , do you have the structural support inside yourself to make, create boundaries? Um, and as counterintuitive as it seems, I have learned to say, you know, I would, I think I would like to join you for a little bit and I have a lot going on today.
[01:02:56] I don’t wanna be obligated to stay. I wanna be able to leave when I need to. Like naming my inner fear. While it was terrifying and I had to do it in little baby steps, , it really counters because people will often do, they may not even be aware they’re manipulating or they may be just eager, and you’re taking it as manipulation, but it is sometimes hard to get away from people.
[01:03:20] And that trapped feeling is really hard. And just trying to set boundaries. Sometimes you’re stuck in that trap versus. Wow. You know, I, I would like to join you for a couple minutes, but I really need to be able to leave when I feel it’s right for me. And I don’t wanna feel, I, I make myself feel trapped sometimes with people.
[01:03:36] So I’m just gonna, I’d like to join you if you’re okay with me just leaving in, in a few minutes to take care of myself, and you get there. If they agree, great. If not, no, no, no. I want you to say, well, I don’t have time. I’m, I’m a no to that. Practicing those boundaries. I taught, I practiced in the mirror. I practiced with my cat.
[01:03:55] She totally didn’t care that I said no to her. She did whatever she wanted anyway, but, And then I started practicing with friends. I was close enough to, I would have lunches where we’d practice saying no to each other. Like in funny. You did kinda, yeah. . It was so hard and it was so worth it. Like I’m much more courageous, quote unquote, courageous now because people ask me, and I know that I can speak up for myself and barring them physically holding me.
[01:04:22] Like I’ll be polite, but firm and then I will, like, I’m outta here. I am standing up and leaving. And I’ve actually had someone try to block me in a room physically, and I talked to them for a co, tried to talk for a couple minutes, and then I had the courage to push past them and leave. And then I know never to go to that person’s house again.
[01:04:42] Yeah. So, um, I value freedom. I value freedom. Yeah. I want to be blocked from being trapped. I wanna be blocked from feeling trapped. Where’s my exit? Where’s my exit? How about a couple of exits? How about a couple of exits? Ah, that would help me not feel trapped. That would help me not feel trapped. I appreciate this block to, to getting myself trapped.
[01:05:12] I appreciate this block to getting myself pat trapped. What would be a playful exit? What would be a play flag exit? What would be another exit? What would be another exit? Thank you Kathy, for giving us a couple . Thank you Kathy, for giving us a couple. One of, one of the things, let just, I want to like each of us think about, oh, you’re invited to do something.
[01:05:38] Let’s say that it is a yes, but there’s this trapped. Now a lot of people would be saying, just do it. You wanna do it? Just do it. Now that is not glaring the block, that’s not shifting it. There is a block there that’s actually structural. I value freedom and I refuse to get trapped. So one thing is the next, the next, next two times that I’m invited to do something, even if I really want to do it, I’m going to say no.
[01:06:16] Cause I want to get that like, oh, thanks for asking. It’s not, doesn’t work for me right now. Or, Hey, thanks for asking. It’s not the right time for me. Or you play around with practicing and no, the other is, What, and you come up with if you, if you know in the block, okay, I feel trapped. There’s, you’ll notice that I put it in the frame of what do I value?
[01:06:44] How does this feeling remind me of what I value? It’s not that you don’t want to it, the survival part of it is I don’t wanna be trapped. There’s fear and scaredness in it. The thriving part of it is, look, I value freedom. If I invited someone onto my porch and it wasn’t a yes for them, I want them to say no.
[01:07:06] If they come onto my porch and they’re not enjoying the conversation, I want them to stand up and say, Hey, good to see you. I need, it’s time for me to go and I’m gonna be like, yay. Thanks for stopping by. Right? Like, I’m gonna be easeful about that. Can you tell that these are true? As soon as I tune into my value values and how I would want to be with others.
[01:07:29] Now, let’s say you want to feel free to let other go, but your feelings are a little desperate for human adult contact, which with children sometimes happens. That’s where you do the work yourself. It’s like, look, you know, a part of me can feel pretty desperate to talk and, and not make it easy for people to leave and I’m, but what I value is freedom and I value a graceful exit.
[01:07:57] Mm-hmm. . And it doesn’t always have to be graceful or a powerful exit or a Hey, I gotta go shit. Take a shit. Um, I’m outta here. Exactly. The person shared that when they get anxious, their stomach gets upset and they might afraid they’re gonna throw up, they have to go to the bathroom. That’s so when I have cuddle parties, I run cuddle parties, and Rick does as well.
[01:08:19] I recommend like, try to be as direct as you can. Like, this isn’t working for me anymore. I need to go take care of myself. But if they won’t listen, or you can’t get the words out, it’s fine to say, I need to use the restroom. I need to get something to eat or drink. Um, like to, to de and, and it doesn’t have to always be polite if they’re not listening, like I am going to throw up if I stay and then throw up on their feet.
[01:08:43] Like my, my stepmom told me that when I first went on my first date. She’s like, if, if they won’t, if they’re doing something you don’t want, you can pick your nose or throw up one or the other’s gonna probably make them stop. And I was like, I loved having that in the back of my head somewhere. Like, wow, if they’re being, that is definitely one of the exits.
[01:09:00] Yeah. So you can, I’m not recommending that for the first if they’re like, oh, please stay. You don’t have to throw up on them. But like if, you know, speaking your truth and saying, Hey, I’m not feeling well, I need to. And if they don’t listen or they throw up on them and they will never, I guarantee you, they will never try to make you stay again.
[01:09:19] Um, a hundred percent money back guarantee on that one. Um, oh, here’s, um, we have about 10 minutes left in our workshop. Um, so here’s a positive, like, um, so why would I have a block to learning art? Okay, now, um, learning art is a doing okay? And so here’s as an emotional freedom coach, this is kind of the process that I would go through.
[01:09:53] What matters to me about learning art? What are the feelings that I want to have in this thing? I’m calling learning art, right? So when I think about learning art, Hmm. So there’s the, you start tuning into the experience that you want as you take steps along that journey. Learning to me as a journey, learning art seems very big.
[01:10:23] It’s like, um, right, all art, and then like, what’s coming, like what’s in that definition of learning art that isn’t actually what I value. So I believe that blocks come up when they’re, so I talked about this in, uh, one of the newsletters. Um, I do not know, um, whether anyone else who is out there writing books about success, um, would ever consider me a success.
[01:11:01] And if I read some of those books, I assure you that I would think like I am never going to be able to be a success. Like they, because the way that they have, the way that they have defined success is not me. And I’m guessing if I, if I said, well, what’s, what’s a way that you think is success? Uh, that really isn’t who you are, but there’s something else that you really could call Success learning art.
[01:11:34] Um, the same kind of thing. Art is vast. It covers so many mediums. It covers so many. There’s performance art, and then there’s the deeply intimate art. There’s so many things. And as you like, this is the experience I want. And these are things actually that when I think about learning art, actually, sorry, that’s not what I’m doing.
[01:11:57] If anyone thinks like, oh, you should sell your art online , I’d be like, actually, that’s not what I’m all about. That’s not what I value. Um, I, I have, um, so for example, people may do art for that experience of sharing it, and as soon as they tune to that, they get this huge block like, oh God. Because sharing their art looks like a gallery with a bunch of people standing around looking at it and making an name, comments.
[01:12:31] And they’re like, I will never do that. And they, so they of course never pick up an artistic tool. They would never do that because that picture of, I want the experience of sharing my art. Whereas, you know, out in our Thriving Now center right now, there’s a group of people that are very different artists, and yet as each person shares something, um, they are sharing it.
[01:13:00] I feel an acknowledgement of their artistry and to me that I value, that I don’t actually value necessarily at all a painting that sells for 3 million today. And there’s nothing wrong more, there’s nothing wrong with that either. Nothing. Yeah. I, this is, this is, again, like values. I, I’m counterculture when it comes to blocks.
[01:13:33] So I assume if somebody says learning art or suc, I, I, I need to be successful, which means not a failure. Um, that there’s noise and the signal, which we talked about in our, in our other session, um, boost your energy is what’s my signal? What are the things that really matter to me, and what are the things that are noise?
[01:14:01] They’re part of the, maybe they’re part of the culture, maybe they’re part of what I was told I would never be, but I’m not trying to be. But they told me I would never be an artist because their picture of what art was is, is something very different than what I am. I think this is very artistic, what you do, like going into people’s psyches and helping them find their blocks, that’s very artistic to me.
[01:14:22] So would you, uh, lead us in? We have, uh, about five minutes. Um, I’ve, I would like to honor, um, through your, your artistry, if you’re up for it. Um, the, the respect that the blocks have served us can serve us and sometimes shifting or clearing them is really sacred work. Mm-hmm. . Yeah. It’s, so I invite everyone, just take a nice deep breath if it feels good to you.
[01:14:53] Karate chop. Hey to all my blocks, Hey to all my blocks, and any inner children that might be holding them and any inner children that might be holding them. Thank you so much. Thank you so much. I think it was really clever of you to protect me this. I think it was really clever of you to protect me this way.
[01:15:19] And guess what? And guess what? It worked. It worked. Because I’m here. Because I’m here. I honor your courage and cleverness in protecting me. I honor your courage and cleverness in protecting me, and I invite you to work with me on something and I invite you to work with me on something top of the head.
[01:15:44] Those blocks were so smart. Those blocks were so smart eyebrow, and some of them, some of them still are and some of them still are side of the eye, but some of them might be a little outdated. Some of them are feeling outdated and out of place. under the eye, and I know how hard you’re working to block me there, and I know how hard you’re working to block me there under the nose.
[01:16:10] I’d like to collaborate more with you. I would like to collaborate more with you, chin, so you don’t have to fight me so much. You don’t have to fight me so much. Cbo. Let’s look at some of these blocks together. Let’s look at some of these blocks together under the arm. Some of them may just need to be tidied up a little bit.
[01:16:32] Some of them may just need to be tidied up a bit top of the head, and some of them could be really transformed and some of them could be really transformed and be much more useful , and I’d really like it to do it together and I’d really like to do it together with love and appreciation. With love and appreciation.
[01:16:53] Just take a deep breath and just notice what’s, you know, we fight them and we’re so taught by our culture to fight, to use willpower, to push through. And that doesn’t work. We only have a little bit of willpower each day. And when we’re fighting ourselves the entire time, it just kinda locks things in place.
[01:17:12] And I really love just taking a breath. And I imagine kind of petting that part of me and like, Hey, you’re there for a reason, for a very smart reason, and maybe no one updated you that that doesn’t exist anymore. Or maybe it’s really important to keep it. So I invite you, like when you’re feeling that resistance, if you’re like me, my first in inclination is like, you’re bad.
[01:17:35] Why are you blocking me? Oh my God. And that just locks that more tight in place versus, wow, that part really cares about me. It is. Look how hard it’s working. It’s fighting so hard to keep me safe. And no one’s ever said, Hey, thank you so much. And maybe we can redirect this a little bit so it’s more effective in our current life.
[01:17:57] Um, so that’s, that’s the big thing I think with blocks is if we can stop fighting ourselves, we can stop fighting ourselves. Mm-hmm. , thank you, Kathy. Thank you all. Appreciate your feedback. Um, we continue with expressing your artistry, that part of you, um, which is wanting to be come out in your emotional world.
[01:18:26] Um, So we’ll have more on that. I hope you’ll join us. Um, in the Thriving Now Center, we do invite feedback, um, particularly as you all have so beautifully done. Like, what is it that you’re wanting emotionally to be more of? And what are the blocks, the feelings, the, the beliefs and the, uh, the fears that come up around that?
[01:18:52] Especially if you can take it to the next, if you’re, if you’re in a place where you can take your wisdom to the next level, like, oh, and the wisdom in this is this . Um, that’s awesome. And otherwise we’re, we’re happy to support you as a community, as a circle. That’s what we’re here for. To make it easier to move the big ones and to.
[01:19:15] Like reshift and re swizzle in ways that you’re like, oh, I like it better that way, . So yeah, thank you for all your courage and being here and your vulnerability and sharing this work is so important cuz you, you let more of yourself out. The world is a better place. We want this for all of us. So thank you so much.
[01:19:35] Bye bye everyone.
We covered…
- What is a block?
- Difficulty processing or expressing emotions
- Can be caused by past traumas, stress, or a lack of emotional awareness
- If we don’t have emotional blocks, we can ask for help, learn through experimentation, practice practice practice, and be excited to Be What Matters!
- Not are blocks are unhelpful! Some provide structural support for what we value.
- Feelings can be scary. We might flinch from the sensations in our body or have a reactive thought in our head (like I’m not good enough, I don’t matter, etc.)
- We can go deeper. Ask what about this block is there to help us? Where is my wisdom here? Does the block need to GO or does it need to shift to a place where it serves my strength but does not impede my freedom?
- Lots of tapping… respecting ourselves… getting clear on what matters to us.
Resources Mentioned
Thank you for engaging as part of this focus group with us!