Real Skills Workshop - Community Event
Real Skills Workshop: Clarity and Action
Hosts: Rick Wilkes (@Rick) and Cathy Vartuli (@Cathy)
Recorded Dec 27 2021
Replay is below
Even though… I choose…
Blessings. Blessings to you… Blessing to all those you hold dear. And gratitude.
This day I am guessing there are aspects of Life – your life and the lives of those you love and feel empathy for – that are not how you’d wish upon a star that they could be.
Such contrast – a gap between desired and what’s real right now – is what brought me to EFT Tapping. Inside the setup statement itself there is a gift.
Even though…
I acknowledge something that feels true to me right now: a pain, a thought, a triggered trauma response, a despair, a hope mixed with fear.
I choose…
I craft a direction for my emotional energy to help my body, mind, and spirit to move forward. Sometimes it’s towards “simple” acceptance. Sometimes towards how I’d like to feel. Sometimes it’s courageously towards a dream… step-by-step by baby step.
I write this at dawn on our Christmas Eve. My prayer is that this reaches you and the “even though’s” are manageable and the choices feel bright and light. And…
I know and love many of you personally. Each person where I’m blessed to know their life a bit deeper and closer has revealed contrasts and pains that are alive this season… and this life.
How do we be with all this? I believe that Together is Better. I know that for me, being open benefits from the presence of other hearts… even though it can be messy – with laughter and tears and scraps of paper and glue.
I choose to spend 90 minutes on Monday with those of us who show up… to tap on the even though’s… and craft some choices to move forward. If that would be nourishing for you, Cathy and I hope you’ll join us. 
We do offer an option for financial support when you sign up, both sharing support with us and receiving support as our gift to you if that is what your yes is. Blessings to us all.
Let’s craft a way forward… together.
Replay is below
Rick & Cathy
Your Emotional Freedom Coaches
Schedule Private, Gliding Scale Coaching Sessions Here
P.S. Adira says, “On our walk together, may we all find snuggly warmth, comfort, support… and a nap!”
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Contrast… a Perfectionist’s Trigger!
I’m a recovering perfectionist. I sense that most people who want to improve the world we live in and the lives of ourselves and others have perfectionism as one of those “out of balance” states we can fall into.
Perfectionism was really hard on me. More socially acceptable than the alcoholism my father adopted as his coping mechanism, but still… hard on the kidneys. Affected brain function through over-stress (meaning, made me stupider).
What I’ve come to understand during my recovery is this:
Contrast – meaning that something isn’t the way it SHOULD be (according to me or someone who I need to please) – triggers my perfectionism-needed-here alert!
The road to healing meant I needed to change my relationship to those triggers.
A trigger takes us into primitive brain. For perfectionists, the trigger can lead to intense, unyielding NEED to fight fight fight until it is right!
Or, it can trigger the flight response – I shall procrastinate on this until… until… forever!
And there’s the one I got good at, the freeze. “What’s the use! Why bother! Won’t change anything anyway…” I was Eeyore.
Contrast is can be one of the most activating energies in our world. It can show us our preferences by showing us the gap (or what we do not want). It can fuel our desire, and even get us to reorganize our lives in ways that even lead to more thriving!
I’m inviting you to try this on. To notice (and label) contrast in your life and develop and deepen the real skill of letting contrast guide your choosing of new intentions and your taking of inspired actions.
And yes, leaving perfectionism for conscious crafting of the thriving lifestyle you most want to invest your energy into.
If that sounds like a YES for you to explore, choose to spend 90 minutes on Monday with us… to tap on the contrasts and what they trigger in you… and craft some choices to move forward. Cathy and I hope you’ll join us.
We do offer an option for financial support when you sign up, both sharing support with us and receiving support as our gift to you if that is what your yes is. Blessings to us all.
Let’s craft a way forward… together.
Replay is below
Rick & Cathy
Your Emotional Freedom Coaches
P.S. Adira says, “You do not need to be perfect with a spoon to thoroughly enjoy life… or blueberry oatmeal!”
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Amidst the Contrast… Crafting Our Way Forward - Session Recording
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Amidst the Contrast… Crafting Our Way Forward
[00:00:00] Welcome everyone to amidst the contrast, crafting our way forward. And I am. Coming off of lots of contrast in the last hour. So I am like Billy primed, like, you know, that you’re five minutes into the nap and the, and the, uh, she who shall not be named announces that the TV is paused. And I’m the only one with the magic button app.
[00:00:36] So you have to stop everything. So the family can watch TV and, um, internet wasn’t working. Um, so yeah. I’m delighted that I’m going to get to do some EFT tapping with you all get to explore the subject with co-creator Cathy virtually, Hey, Eric, it’s great to be here. And I really loved when he picked the title of crafting our way forward.
[00:01:06] That really struck me because I think so often we’re reacting to contrast in our lives. And as we kind of get a different perspective and we help our survival brain calm down, we can actually craft. And she is the path we take forward versus like, ah, this happened to me. I need to like panic and try to take care of it.
[00:01:25] We can actually craft our, our contrast, our reaction and. So I really, it just was really touched by that title. It really, it landed heart. Well, for me, the original title was amidst the chaos and I’m sitting with that and calming myself down. And that’s why this is a real school. That we’re going to be exploring.
[00:01:53] We call them real skills because I, I know that the extent to which I know how to use the skill of calming myself and confidence in myself, that my life changes. If, if you don’t know how to plunge a toilet, but you need to plunge a toilet, the contrast of a toilet filling up and overflowing and you not having the skill is going to feel stronger than if you have this skill.
[00:02:28] And so, like I’d been on a 30 year journey to develop the skill of being able to reground myself, recenter myself. And when I did calm myself down about like the external chaos, I was reminded of the teacher that introduced me to this word, contrast fresh, a fresh introduction to the word contrast. I knew what contrast was, but they put it in the context of that, which is unwanted.
[00:03:02] Undesired creates a, uh, a response in us that this is, this is not what I want. This is unsatisfactory. This is on something on pleasing, unfair on acceptable, all of the, that. They put it in the term of contract. And when I first heard that I just had to start having, I had at least learn tapping. I was like, oh, you’re just trying to deny how shitty things I do sometimes use profanity.
[00:03:42] And I, as they continue to talk Abraham Hicks, um, it was that contrast is an inherent, natural part of our world. Um, if you’re not getting enough sunlight, there’s a craving inside of you called contrast. That gets you to come, want more sun it’s been raining for 40 days and 40 nights. You want more sun? Um, you’re cold at night and you don’t want to get up.
[00:04:13] And the contrast leads humanity to create something called a thermostat and then make the thermostat. So it can be controlled by your voice from bed. So you don’t even have to get your toes cold on the ground. Contrast is an activating force from an energetic, creative co-creative with the universe.
[00:04:35] Thing and it’s in, in everything. If, is it too bright or is it too dark? The contrast principle comes into play when we’re exposed to things. One more pleasing. One, the other, that kind of contrast can lead us toward, you know, I like more, I like more kindness. I, you know, agreeableness is great consent. Ooh, that feels nice.
[00:05:00] Freedom, emotional freedom. That feels awesome. And developing the skill of having the awareness that contrast has either activated us or triggered us, which. And being able to get to a place where you start crafting a way forward. And I specifically chose the crafting our way forward, because I feel a part of a community you guys are showing up there, there is a bunch of us here tonight, and that means, and with all the other people that are asleep across Europe, who are looking forward to the replay, um, means a lot of us are interested in this.
[00:05:45] And so we’re crafting it together, not just now, but our community and humanity are experiencing a lot of contrast. And if. I can get to a place where we’re crafting well, then something new can rise out of it. Something profoundly good, useful, helpful, mutually nourishing can rise out of even really profoundly intense contrast.
[00:06:21] I think it can. And I I’m a engineer. So I like, I like to, I like to think of those. Um, like Newton talked about momentum. A body in motion tends to stay in. It will go in the same direction and the same speed until it’s acted on by an outside force. And I think contrast is sometimes the way the universe goes, excuse me, your ELO.
[00:06:42] You’re just doing the same thing. You’re doing the same thing. Come on. Hello. Let’s do something different. And I think it will sometimes turn up the volume until the contrast is severe enough that we really notice it and contrast can be. It doesn’t have to be something bad. I noticed contrast at night, I usually don’t want to go to bed.
[00:07:01] I’m like, I’m having fun watching TV or doing stuff. I’m like, ah, the contrast of going and resting is hard for me. And in the morning I’m all cozy and cuddly and I don’t want to get up. So like, it’s, you know, there’s not an inherent bad in the change. Always. Sometimes it can feel very painful, um, when it’s jarring or it shifts our world a lot, but that can be a blessing.
[00:07:25] And I think Rick reminded me the other day. I first found EFT was 14, 15 years ago. Um, my therapist, I didn’t know about EFT, wasn’t into energy at all. And at the end of a session, my therapist fired me. I was doing VBS. I was in lots of trauma and it was devastating. Like I was solving. Just to sterically.
[00:07:47] And I went back to work cause I was just on autopilot. I wasn’t crafting very much at that point I was reacting. Um, and I typed in as he shoved me out the door and he’s like, you might want to check out an energy therapy that might help you. So I went back into the office and luckily no one came by.
[00:08:02] Cause I tears streaming down my face and I typed in energy therapy. And the second listing was free PDF download from Gary Craig, which led me to, I downloaded it, discovered it actually taught it to him. And then I fired him six months later cause I didn’t need him. But I met through him. I went through that.
[00:08:20] I went to my first conference, met Carol look who recommended Rick for me. Um, and I would never give up the things I’ve found in this path. All the energy work I’ve done at the time, I would have said I’d give almost I would’ve given anything to have it not be happening. So I think sometimes it can just be, it can be, feel very devastating sometimes.
[00:08:43] And I love if we can anchor that sometimes we can craft our way baby step by baby step forward. And we can create something that maybe be might maybe sometimes that contrast is actually the egg shell cracking and our lives are now stepping into. More powerful life. So I just, I want to, I need to remember that sometimes too.
[00:09:04] So I wanted to share it with you. Thank you, Kathy. Um, for the workshop, we’ll be going until about, uh, uh, another 40 minutes to 50 minutes. We’ll take a seven minute break and then come back. Um, the chat is. Um, I would like to have a chance to work with some of you, if you would like to, um, volunteer to work on some of the contrast and the crafting.
[00:09:32] Um, you can do that by raising your hand. Uh, that’s under reactions. If you do raise your hand and come forward to volunteer, uh, you will be on video. So if you want to change your name, um, you can do that under participants, uh, um, beforehand. So the first thing I’d like to start with, we use, we use a technique called EFT tapping as, as Kathy mentioned, it’s not the only tool that we use.
[00:10:03] In fact, we’ve got. Set out. What is this concept of contrast? And I believe that when we understand and we start looking at things through the lens, the concept framework of oh, contrast is happening. Um, it changes our frame from. What’s wrong. What’s a threat. What, what, how am I failing in my life? What’s what’s right up in the world.
[00:10:42] I stopped my F bomb. Cause I, the contrast of using the S one, um, just for some reason tonight may be a little uncomfortable. The F bomb will probably come out later.
[00:10:56] Yeah, I say that. Um, so the conceptual framework of contrast is that there’s something that my being sight sound, smell, intuition, gut reaction, um, something I’m reading something. I’ve heard about a story that I’m in or that’s activated in me. That is. It’s activating. Okay. And activating is like, if we use the expression triggering, like, okay, now I’m definitely in my primitive brain.
[00:11:34] I, I, that’s just where I am. Like I’m in fight flight freeze or something like that. Um, being activated can look like frustrated, um, when my internet was breaking up and I’m imagining that we’re going to do this call is going to be recorded. And every fifth word that I say it’s going to be chopped out.
[00:11:57] Um, that was contrast, it created a fresh, uh, frustration in may and. The craft away forward, what Cathy and I did was to talk about like how we might manage it. And then as I calmed down, it was like, you know, I haven’t reset my computer in an awfully long time. How about if I reset my computer and we checked back in real quick and, uh, it worked, or at least it’s working right now.
[00:12:31] And that’s a, that’s a simple example of where old Rick would have just stayed frustrated, flailed around, been fighting it rather than, oh, this is, this is that thing. I’m going to beat that thing. I’m going to be sharing with everyone tonight. Contrast, thank you so much for showing up and whacking me. Um, and uh, it got my attention.
[00:13:00] So I’d like to do some, some happy. On recognizing, being aware the first step awareness of contrast and allowing us to have sufficient presence to be with it. And that can be like inviting our primitive brain to not see this as an immediate threat that we have to fight or run from. Um, would you like to lead that to Kathy or would you like, so I invite you, I don’t know what your day has been.
[00:13:36] It’s been after the holidays for some people there’s a lot going on just to invite you to just bring your attention, allow your trenching to come here and now not scattered are all around the house and work and everything else. Just invite it and draw it in. Let yourself be present with your body and kind of sink into your body.
[00:13:53] If that feels okay to you, which mental slow, deep breath in. Notice your button, the chair, and your feet on the floor. And I know we repeat this a lot, but the more you repeat this, when you have some contrast, you might find yourself getting very scattered. Rick got scattered. I got scattered today. I had some things happen that I didn’t want to have happen.
[00:14:15] Ah, okay. Let’s just bring ourselves in and be here and now gentle breath. You’re actually, I invite you look around the room you’re in and notice that there are no lions or tigers or bears. If there are, please take appropriate action. But most of us were pretty safe. Karate chop, even though contrast really unsettles me sometimes, even though contrast really unsettles me sometimes I think I’m bad.
[00:14:45] A part of me thinks I’m bad or that someone’s out to get me or someone’s out to get me or I’m in danger or I’m in danger. I’m sometimes very uncomfortable. I am sometimes. Excrutiatingly uncomfortable or with contrast, it’s sometimes very afraid and sometimes afraid. And I’d really like to find a way to craft my way forward.
[00:15:11] Oh, I would really like to find a way to craft my way forward. Baby steps, baby steps, baby steps by baby steps, contrast and settles me on trust on Suttles. Me, I bro, I like things where they were. I like things where they were side of the, I don’t want to get out of the warm bed. I don’t watch it out of the warm bed.
[00:15:37] Under the, I was comfortable with the way things were. I was comfortable with the way things were. Maybe they weren’t great. Maybe they weren’t great, but I was east to it, but I was used to it. And my survival brain knew I knew how to handle. And my survival brain knew. I knew how to handle that. It’s not sure about this new situation at all.
[00:16:03] It’s not sure about this new situation at all. And I send it love and appreciation. Uh, I’m crafting some love and appreciation for that part of me. It will be okay. Boom. It might be okay. It may feel too much to go right to it’s. Okay. But honestly I’ve realized that usually if it’s not okay, like to the point where dead, then it doesn’t matter.
[00:16:33] And if we, if we’re still around, then we can often craft something or create something. So it probably is okay.
[00:16:43] So one of the things that I think was attracted me to EFT tapping, and you, if you’re new to it by chance thriving now.com/tapping is Kathy and my free PDF guide, um, is that in the set up for a tapping round, which you can skip, but the essential components are even. Even though what, even though by contrast,
[00:17:19] I choose or, you know, I deeply and completely accept myself is crap. Uh, way of being about it. So even though there’s this contrast, this pain in my shoulder, that’s contrast, my baby girl was crying. She’s going to bed. That’s contrast. I wish for ease and joy and quiet. Um, so even though she’s crying,
[00:17:51] I invite my body to be calm and present because a part of me responds to that, that contrast. Right? So if you start, if you take this con this idea of contrast and you say, oh, it’s built right into every tapping round, even though this contrast, that I’m feeling. And how do you want to feel if you’ve been with Kathy and I for a while, you’ve probably heard that.
[00:18:19] How do you want to feel how it. That’s an aspect of crafting, giving your energy a direction. And like, like we pointed out, like you, I give myself freedom to change the words, because I want you to feel free to change the words to where you are. So the crafting of the words we’re doing some crafting, you can, Ooh, I like that.
[00:18:43] I’m going to change that. Feel free to do that, just to let you know. Um, so I’d like to, I’d like to just do a quick tapping round on that. Okay.
[00:19:00] Even though I feel this contrast, even though I feel its contract contrast,
[00:19:08] I choose to be calm and confident. Anyway, I choose to feel calm and comfort in. Even though this contrast has activated me, even though this contrast has activated me and I’m uncomfortable and I’m uncomfortable, I’m open to being a bit more calm and confident and open to being a bit more calm and confident.
[00:19:29] Um, even though this contrast makes me feel competent, upset, frustrated, whatever it is, right. Even though this contrast makes me feel incompetent.
[00:19:46] I’m in the process of developing a skill I’m in the process of developing this skill. I might be more calm and confident next time, who might be more and confident now. Uh, becoming aware of a contrast and becoming aware of the contrast eyebrow. I’ve been aware of contrast. I’ve been aware of contrast, sorry.
[00:20:09] I’ve just called it different things. You just called it different things under the eyes. Sometimes it just has taken me over. Sometimes it’s just taking me over. I don’t know if it’s activated the perfectionist in me. It’s activated the perfectionist and it’s activated the procrastinator in me. It’s activated the procrastinator in me and sometimes I’ve been scared and uncertain and sometimes I’ve been scared and uncertain under the arm course I have.
[00:20:38] Of course I have. I’m human and human. That’s what primitive brains do. That’s what permanent brains do, but it’s not the only choice, but it’s not the only choices. I wonder what else I might craft. I wonder what else I might craft. For ourselves and for our thriving, for, for our future reaction. One of the cool things about tapping is that I, um, there’s certain types of contrast that have given me a great deal of distress in the moment that seemed to, they’re just things that they’re so contrary to my values, that when they show up in a Facebook feed and, uh, in an email or something like that, it’s so con it’s such contrast to my, my values that.
[00:21:33] Used to really activate me and that activation would stay because one of the things about contrast is that it doesn’t always just like simply resolve there’s a lot going on in the world. It’s a such contrast. I can’t resolve it. It’s not something that can be fixed, but I I’m going to want in my world.
[00:21:53] I want to shift my energy so that I’m crafting a thriving life still. And so long story, you can take something that activated you earlier today and tap on it. And one of the things that you might notice. Oh, that doesn’t really activate me the same way. I’m really aware it’s contrast, but now I’ve crafted something else.
[00:22:25] A little energetic, you know, talisman that says, when this comes up, where I want to go is here. When this comes up, this is where I want to go. The skill of being calm and confident. Those may not be your words, but you can, you can take the things that activate you and, and do some tapping on it. And I’d be delighted to do.
[00:22:50] Um, do you want, should we walk through like what, something that may have activated people contrast that may have activated people today? Does that feel like the timing?
[00:23:04] Okay. So there are some really big things that there might be just such violations of your values. I’m going to invite you to take something that’s perhaps more manageable, develop a skill as we develop a skill. Um, it can take like, oh yeah, I really, that was contrast. And if there is something that comes to mind, I, I do write things down, you know?
[00:23:38] Um, not everyone does, but, um, like the thing for me, Is, I was, I was reading a, a thread, a very informative thread of replies and messages on Twitter today. Uh, that’s a contrast rich environment and right there in the midst of it, one of the people I really respect, um, did what I would call a personal attack.
[00:24:12] They, they put someone down and like that contrast, I, I feel right now, it’s like, oh, like this is someone I really learned a lot from. I don’t want to have to meet them. And they just, um,
[00:24:38] they just put someone down in a very personal. And, um, so that’s the contrast. So for me, I’m just going to write down the put down and it feels, and the next thing we do is we kind of tune into our body. Sometimes we’re so aware of like the narrative, like what happened that we don’t necessarily feel into like, how is our body reacting?
[00:25:10] And as I tuned to this, there’s a bracing. Um, so there’s bracing and there’s, um, a sadness
[00:25:25] and, um, like a reluctance to, to, to like be exposed again. That’s the best way I can describe so reluctant.
[00:25:40] And those as I’m tuning into it, and if you’re doing the same for your event of contrast, um, you might notice the intensity starts rising. If it does feel the, feel, the,
[00:26:02] feel, the mood of them feel free to tap. So now can you tell, I’m losing a little bit of my thinking brain as I’m tuning into it. That’s okay. I I’m still here, but I’m tuning into the contrast and. It’s about a seven eight. Now, when I first started, I was like, ah, this is a four. Mm, no, this, this is bigger contrast for me.
[00:26:31] Okay. So now you’ve got the contrast and you can go, you can go ahead and caffeine. So I’m going to share it in the, in the chat, something that’s pretty sounds pretty big and pretty intense. And for this, this round, like when you’re starting to build it up, we’re inviting you to pick something smaller. You could definitely tap on those big things like that.
[00:26:55] But until you get up the scale and the, the habit of doing this, you’re training your body to deal with contrast in a different way. It’s better to practice with babies. So they’re giving a Dera, like little, the one-year old Rick’s daughter. They’re giving her a little car. She can run around, like with her hand, they’re not putting her in the car to drive to, to the store.
[00:27:17] Like we want to build up those skills with smaller things first. So I just wanted to emphasize that because it can be a lot for trying to dive into a big pool by ourselves. Yeah. Um, so now we have something that’s the contrast and accepting that this is something that’s a contrast can be a first step.
[00:27:43] So this is how I would tap on this. And this is how I tap on contrast that comes up. Even though I have this contrast, even though I have this contrast. It was the person I liked it to put down this person. I like to put down and I’m feeling all these feelings and I’m feeling all these feelings.
[00:28:09] I accept this unwanted contrast, except this unwanted contrast, even though this is unwanted contrast, even though this is unwanted contrast and I’ve got feelings about it, I’ve got feelings about it. I’m processing those feelings right now and processing those feelings right now. I heard this put down and all that, it means to me, this flip that and all that, it means to me, I brought this contrast and all of it, it means to me, this contrast and all that, it means to me this, when you can speak about your contrast and all that, it means to me, ah, this contrast and all of it means to me, God, this thing, and all that, it means to me, this thing and all that, it means to me, pardon me, didn’t realize it was listening.
[00:29:01] Part of me didn’t realize it was this intention and my body knows, and my body knows and it’s okay. And it’s okay. I’m sure I accept that this happened. I accepted this happened kind of label it, contrast for me. And I label it contrast for me, although it’s definitely a contrast for me, definitely contrast for me.
[00:29:28] So. Notice, I didn’t try to jump to anything positive. There was no crafting involved because I was up at a seven, eight, and now as I think about it, um, it feels, it feels different. Like my body is more like, uh, I wish that didn’t happen. That was exactly. I was wondering if we could do some tapping and I wish that that didn’t happen because I think we run into that before we get happening.
[00:30:02] Yeah. Yeah. It didn’t happen. Am I leading that or, yep. Go ahead. Great job. Even though I’m very open to help each other, even though I wish this thing didn’t happen, even though I wished this thing didn’t happen. Where’s the rewind button. Whereas the rewind button, the undo, the undo. I don’t want to face this.
[00:30:27] I don’t want to feel this. I don’t want to deal with this. I don’t want to deal with the feelings I’ve got. I don’t want this to be factual. I don’t want this to be factual and it’s really hard on my body right now. It’s really hard on my body right now, even though I don’t want this to have happened.
[00:30:47] Even though I don’t want this to have happened. I think it might have it. And maybe I’m okay. Anyway, and I am okay. Anyway, I don’t want this to happen. I don’t want this type of thing to happen. I brought, I am a note. I am a no. So the guy who asked my permission for this to happen yeah. Who asked my permission for this to happen under there?
[00:31:14] What were they thinking? What were they thinking? This is not okay. This is not allowed in my world. Make this go away. Right. This go away. Never happened again. I don’t want to grow in this direction. I don’t want to grow in that direction. I don’t want to feel this feelings. Don’t want to feel the feelings and I don’t want to face what’s coming up and I don’t necessarily want to face what’s coming up and I might be okay.
[00:31:46] I’m starting to feel a little more. Okay. Anyway. Okay. Just take a breath. And what I would invite you to do is if you have a lot of that feeling, I don’t want this to happen to just tap that. Just keep repeating it until it’s boring to you. If you notice your attention, like as long as you’re, you’re tapping in, you’re saying words and feelings in your body, as long as it holds your attention, and there’s a zing to it, just keep repeating going round and round until your system is like, oh, okay.
[00:32:14] That’s not, I know that I’ve cleared something. Usually it’s also defense mechanisms. So you got to watch that. But if my attention starts drifting because I’ve cleared it versus my intention is drifting. Cause I don’t want to face it. It’s a different feeling in your body and you can kind of learn that.
[00:32:28] But um, just keep, if you have a lot of zinc to something, just keep repeating the tapping and change the words to whatever’s coming up, feeling wise or landing for you.
[00:32:42] Gotta be eyebrow, this remaining feeling I have about this contrast, this rainy feeling I have about this contrast right there. I am not suppressing my feelings. I am not suppressing my feelings. I am not denying my feelings. I am not denying my feelings and I want to be able to be calm and confident anyway, and I want to be able to be calm and confident.
[00:33:07] Anyway, chin for me, for me,
[00:33:13] this did happen. This did happen. It is happening. It is happening
[00:33:27] and I’m okay. And I’m okay. A part of me resist that. A part of me is resisting that. Yeah. Eyebrow. Pardon me is resisting being okay. Pardon me? Is resisting. Okay. Sorry. The I being okay. Doesn’t mean I like it and being okay. Does not mean I like it on the VI it’s right under the heading contrast. It’s right into the heading contrast.
[00:33:55] There’s nothing, that’s like ideal. There’s nothing under contrast under God
[00:34:05] and it is what it is. And then it is what it is. Ah,
[00:34:14] it doesn’t feel okay. It doesn’t feel okay.
[00:34:23] That’s okay to have whatever feelings are true for me. It’s okay to have whatever feelings are true for me. I’m being with my truth right now. I meet with my truth. Right.
[00:34:38] So for me, I don’t want to be washed away by contrast so that I lose myself. I lose my own ground, my own footing, my own resourcefulness. And, um, and contrast can do that. I I’m witnessing the contrast of watching an awful lot of people. I care about lose their ground because of contrast it’s it. And it’s very human.
[00:35:10] Like my daughter’s not even two. And if she wants the gate open and I closed the gate, It’s contrast it. Isn’t like it doesn’t strike me as trauma, but the contrast is, is big. She has big feelings about it. And the fact that she has big feelings and it’s affecting my nervous system is contrast too. So like, this is really natural for us to have big feelings about the things that so maybe, maybe it’s more natural.
[00:35:51] Like this is really it’s con even though contrast is really natural, even though contrast is really natural. Not everyone treats it that way. Everyone treats it that way, including the person I see in the mirror, including the person. What if I started from the assumption that contrast is natural. What if I started from the assumption that contrast is natural contrast is everywhere.
[00:36:18] Contrast is everywhere.
[00:36:24] Contrast is everywhere just as everywhere. It affects the birds and the bees, the bees and the plants and the trees and the plants and the trees. They all have contrast. They all have contrast and I have tons and I have tons. I actually process a lot of contrast, actually process, a lot of contrast. I mean, sometimes it’s just a simple moving to get more comfortable.
[00:36:56] Sometimes it’s just a simple movie leaving, get more comfortable. What if my process on trust all the time? What if they process contrast? And I’ve got more skill about this then I think I’ve got more skill about it than I think. So if your blood has a little, a little, little more of this and a little less of that, if, if it needs a little bit of, uh, so like the dryness in my mouth was contrast and, you know, I’ve got enough for thought, cause I’ve made myself contrast miserable from being thirsty on a call.
[00:37:39] So I have two glasses here. Um, so the contrast informed that if I want to like easily handle the contrast being thirsty, cheers. I invite you to do the same. If you’re got some of that,
[00:37:58] we do handle contract. Um, the more embodied we are, the more easeful and natural our handling of contrast. Oh, it’s a little hot, I’ll take off a layer. I’m a little cold. I’ll put on a layer. I’ll turn up the thermostat. I’ll I’m feeling a little sluggish. Ah, I’ll move a little bit more feeling tired. I’ll lie down.
[00:38:18] That’s all contrast. It’s when contrast hits us and our primitive brain takes over that we’re developing an active skill of moving it. And I think one of the things that came up when we were just doing that last round is a lot of times, um, I think when we’re little, we, we experienced contrast sometimes as punishment.
[00:38:40] And I know I have the concept that if I was just a good enough girl, these bad contrast, he things that hurt and disrupt my life wouldn’t happen. So could we just do a little bit of tapping in that each job, even though this contrast feels really. Even though this contrast feels really bad. And I feel like I’m being punished and I feel like I’m being punished.
[00:39:05] I feel like this is what I deserve. I feel like this is what I deserve. I must not have been good enough. I must not have been good enough or that I wouldn’t have this contrast. I must not have tried enough. I must not have tried enough or worked hard enough or worked hard enough or I’ve been kind enough or been kind enough.
[00:39:28] What did I do to deserve this contrast? What did I deserve? What did I do to deserve this contract? Top of that? I feel like, I mean, punished. I feel like I’m being punished. Sometimes I wrote, I don’t want to be punished. I don’t want to be punished. I really try to be a good girl or gender. I really try to be a good person.
[00:39:52] Hi. I want to be good. So I don’t get money. I want it to be good, so I don’t get punished. What punishment, what if this isn’t punishment? What if this isn’t actually punishment? And then what if the universe is calling you for something different and maker? What if the universe is calling me for something different and bigger?
[00:40:21] I still felt very comfortable before or still felt more comfortable before under the arm. But what if I could let go of some, some of the guilt and shame I’m feeling. Okay. Yeah. What if I get my echo of some of the guilt and shame, I’m feeling top of that. So I can craft a better path for me going forward so I can craft a better path for me going forward, take a breath and just notice.
[00:40:54] And just know we’re trying different things to help you clear it so that I watch a deer on zoom. Sometimes we’re Skype and there’s times she gets very upset about the contrast. She’s like, ah, this is not how it is. And sometimes when she’s confronted with something new or there’s a contrast, or she wants something, I watch her little brain like trying to figure it out.
[00:41:17] She’s not like, oh, I’m a bad person because I can’t figure it out. She’s like, I will like Curt when she first was climbing the stairs, she’s like, I will climb these stairs and she would struggle and she would not do it and she’d get frustrated. But she, like, there was like a, there wasn’t, she wasn’t telling herself she was bad for not being able to do it or not knowing how.
[00:41:38] And I think as we learned to handle contrast, like the first time I got a flat tire hair, it was like, my brain kind of froze. I wasn’t really sure. I kind of knew how to change a tire, but I kind of panicked. And then I was like, eventually I figured, oh, I have AAA. I can call. The next time I got a flat tire, it was like, oh, I pull out my phone call, AAA it’s on speed.
[00:41:58] Dial, you know, sit and read a book on my Kindle until they show up. So just the more we can practice it and build the muscles in the pathways. The more quickly we’ll step out of the guilt, the shame, the frustration. Why is it so feelings and actually be able to walk down the path that can make our life much better.
[00:42:20] So check in about your, your contrast. How’s it feeling now in your body?
[00:42:34] Can we, oh, sorry, go ahead. Did you have something you needed to say? Well, I just think that something we didn’t really tap on, it feels inside. And I think that that’s something that’s pretty important. So if you let’s cycle back to that, I’d like to get some feedback. Yeah. So if you’ve got easy, easy access to chat, I’d love to, if anyone wants to share, like how intense does it feel what’s coming up for you?
[00:43:05] Um, because I, I’m kind of working with, with this, my, my particular issue directly, um, mine down about a two, three, and that’s where I notice in myself that the craving, the craving for something different. That’s like the impulse to craft, like the impulse to make my world, the world, um, more to my liking, more pleasing to.
[00:43:39] More or less contrasty. Um, so we have someone at a seven or eight.
[00:43:50] Mine’s about a six. Um, someone else shared, went from nature for okay. Seven people are really intense feeling. A lot of fear,
[00:44:03] even though there’s a lot of fear, even though there’s a lot of fear, it may be that I’m.
[00:44:13] So I’m going to invite a bite you if it feels okay. If the contrast is outside, come more into your being. Um, if, if the contrast is a physical pain or sensation inside, um, To, to, to focus on your grounding, your weight in the chair, but in gravity work and just gently doing some tapping. There’s a lot to this contrast for me.
[00:44:51] There’s a lot to this contrast for me,
[00:44:58] it would be useful for me to be a bit more calm right now. It would be useful for me to be calm right now. I may or may not get there. I may or may not get there. That’s okay. That’s okay. But to be useful for my whole being to be a bit more calm right now, it would be useful for my being to be a bit more calm right now.
[00:45:23] I noticed by survival. Brain’s not sure it can handle it, see things. So just if that helps to throw it in there.
[00:45:32] It hits my primitive brain. It hits my primitive brain, my eyebrow. And if it knew what to do with it, if it knew what to do with it, it wouldn’t be contrast. It wouldn’t be contrast under the eye. It would be just like getting some water. It’d be just like getting some water under nose. That’s that’s contrast, but it’s not a big deal.
[00:45:54] That’s contrast, but it’s not a big deal. This contrast is a bigger deal for me. Let’s contrast is a bigger deal for me
[00:46:05] and that’s okay for my nervous system to be a bit more calm and it’s okay for my nervous system to be a bit more calm on the arm. I may be bumping up against some serious beliefs. Now I may be bumping up against some students. Okay. I may not have picked something that’s less big, like Rick and
[00:46:31] less big the elephant instead of me and pick the elephant rather than with the dust bunny
[00:46:45] and, and, and 20 years of doing the coaching. I know, I’ll say, Hey, don’t pick the biggest one. And what did people, you know, I pick something that’s that feels more manageable and you know, our, our need. And especially if you’ve done a lot of work, uh, can jump to something that could I just a little more tapping just for the people that picked big things and anyone else credit chop hay, survival brain, your survival brain.
[00:47:13] I know that you’re activated right now. I know you’re activated right now. This feels different. This feels different and you’re not sure how to move forward when you’re not sure how to move forward. And I want to let you know, you’re doing a really good job.
[00:47:37] And Kathy says, you’re doing a really good job. This is confusing right now. This is confusing right now. And often we have to go through confusion to grow, and often we have to go through confusion to grow. So we’re right on track, right on track, right on track. And it’s going to be okay. And it’s be top of the head.
[00:48:01] I know you’re scared. I know. I know. You’re scared of I’m. Well, thank you for caring about us so much. Thank you for caring about us so much. Saturday. I were probably in less danger than you think.
[00:48:23] Pretty sure. We’re in less danger at that a part of me. Um, and I appreciate that. You’re trying to protect me and I appreciate that. You’re trying to protect under the nose. If you can know that you’re not alone. If you can know that you’re not alone, I’m here with you. I’m here with you and there’s all these other amazing people that are going on the same path.
[00:48:52] There are all these other amazing people that are on the same path. I’m in the army. We can be scared together. We can be scared together top of the head and support and encourage each other and definitely support and encourage each other as we go from the caterpillar to live better. It’s not my favorite analogy as we take care of this, perhaps something
[00:49:26] So I feel like this is the good time to take a seven minute break.
[00:49:38] You’ve done some tapping and change. Yeah, you’ve done some tapping you’ve you’ve tuned into this. And if you’ve picked something that’s really big and meaningful, congratulations, you know, I, I trust and as we go forward for the rest of the workshop, remember that we’re crafting a way forward, not coming up with a solution.
[00:50:04] We’re not engineering, um, a solution. We’re we’re finding a way for your life to thrive ways, crafting, taking bits and pieces of scraps and ideas and notions and glue and whatever else, some glitter maybe, um, to their craft. And so, um, if you’re watching the replay great to have you with us, and we do invite you to take a moment.
[00:50:42] If your body says to move around, to lie down, to take a break, you know, whatever it is. Um, that’s part of the process too. This is tending to your, your physical and, and, uh, energetic needs. So I’m gonna go ahead and welcome.
[00:51:07] Let’s take a deep breath together. And if you’re in a place where you can make just a little bit of noise with it, it’s really good for the vagus nerve. Uh, feel like, uh, sometimes shaking, shaking it out a little bit. Someone had asked, like, what’s the difference between, um, activated and triggered on the spectrum?
[00:51:31] Um, I mentioned this. We typically use the term triggered that whether you’re aware of it or not, you’re in your primitive brain, it’s running, the show is looking to fight flight free freeze. Um, it, you, you can be using your cognitive resources, but there they are feel more narrow, um, activated. It’s got your attention, right.
[00:52:04] Um, maybe you bounce off of it quickly out of repulsion, but, um, it’s, you’ve got more resource available. So like when I was. And when I was attuning into the put down, the more that I tuned into it, the intensity level went up. So one, it reached about an eight. It’s very, it was very active in my mind. My system that’s far enough.
[00:52:37] I don’t have to push it to a 10. Now, if I asked you, well, how is it intense yours? Well, it’s a 200. I generally think of if they intensity is above an eight and you’re starting to feel like you’re losing your resources. You’re more in the triggered state. You can be very resourceful and triggered. A lot of, a lot of us spent decades, Mosely triggered, um, and you know, looking to the world like.
[00:53:12] Stuff together. So, um, trigger doesn’t mean that you’re you’re necessarily, it’s just your primitive brain is hyper vigilant or gone into one of the other bagel states where you want to say on that. I’ve heard people use them interchangeably to a certain extent. I agree triggered to me is a little more activated than activated.
[00:53:37] Um, but it’s a lot of the people you’ll hear people using them interchangeably at times. And so you might want to ask them, what does that mean to you? Because this is a language that’s relatively new for a lot of folks. Yeah. Um, there’s a move to that. The word triggered feels violent. Um, triggering a gun cause of, uh, yeah.
[00:53:59] So, um, so again, lets a spectrum and contrast does definitely come in a spectrum. I appreciate you all for reminding me that things like thirst or as I got up and was moving there was stiffness. Now it used to be that the contrast of feeling my body feeling uncomfortable and in pain. Right out in that direction of toward being in pain would trigger me.
[00:54:33] And if you, as I’ve gotten better at the contrast, which is going to be there, if I’m been sitting for 50 minutes or longer, my body is going to have some contrast in that bodies. Don’t usually like to sit for that long. Um, sometimes the contrast speaks up with louder, louder pains that this process works or starting with.
[00:55:02] Like, what am I noticing? What’s the contrast that I’m aware of? How do I, how does my body respond? Tap, tap, tap with an accept, with an awareness of what’s happening in your body. And ideally letting the trend be more toward, um, toward the direction of tourism. You will generally feel more resourced and creative at a two or three around this same contrast as you will at a four, five at an eight, nine or 10, I usually need help.
[00:55:41] Um, I would call Anne and Cathy could probably recount hundreds of examples where I’ve been activated by, uh, are triggered by contrast. And I. The co-regulation of doing it together, helps it drop down. And you know, if you listen to one of those conversations tapping while I’m sharing my outrage or my frustration, or my helplessness, like with few fall into those categories, once you get a down some, well, now you’ve got something you’ve got raw material to work with.
[00:56:24] And this, this section of the workshop is about like, what is the raw material? If the contrast is activating me to what end to what purpose, how can I make this? Not just shitty, but actually something that I can use to direct my energy. And one of the things that it can be really helpful, a question. We believe in useful questions.
[00:56:57] Um, what about this matters to me? What’s what’s important to me. What, what am I wanting more of in my world? In the world and in particular in your world. Um, and as you, as you, as you get clearer about what is it that matters to me? Like what, based upon what you know about me, what would you guess, um, matters to me when someone who I’m kind of respecting and learning from personally attack someone else, what do you think that, why, why would that be contrast for me?
[00:57:46] I’m acknowledging is contrast. And if you wanted to put it in the, in the chat, that’s fine. We’ll give you a minute. And for yourself, you can also share like that type of thing. I want more, what. Yeah, not in line with my value. So what’s the value that I have that, um, a personal attack
[00:58:15] is contrast. It’s a contrast to my values.
[00:58:23] Well, I, I imagine it could have also made you feel unsafe. Like you’ve been trusting this person and following him. So he kind of, we open up as we get it was, we start like respecting someone and feeling safe with them. We have fewer boundaries have fewer like filters and then it’s like, oh, how did I misjudged that?
[00:58:39] So badly, the fear of misjudgment really hits the survivable. Because it’s going along, going in my judging, like we start to learn to trust we, to judge safety versus unsafety. When something acts, someone acts in a different way than we expected or something, we feel like we misjudged that makes us like, oh, how do I trust myself?
[00:58:59] How do I know what’s safe? Maybe I’m making other kinds of bad decisions. It kind of rattle our whole world about it. Right. And so that that’s a facet of it. That’s the, oh dear. You know, um,
[00:59:18] And this is a, this is a part of it because sometimes it’s really clear, like I value safety, respect, and freedom. If you know me for awhile, you’ve probably heard those three words together, safety, respect, and freedom. So in a public venue, a personal attack is that doesn’t feel safe to my nervous system to, to, to witness it, to read it.
[00:59:47] Um, I read things in my head, so that voice not necessarily their voice, but my voice is, is hearing this. It I’m, I’m feeling the energy of that. I’m empathetic, um, respect. Um, I’ve been in technology long enough that I’ve been through. I was meditating on it the other day I’ve been through at least seven or eight world wars, you know, PC versus Mac as one of them, you know, um, uh, anything in technology engineering, there’s usually, um, very strong.
[01:00:30] Lee held perspectives about which is the right strategy that works for certain solutions and things, but to attack the person rather than to engage with the approach or the idea, um, falls out, like it’s such a contrast to respect. Um, there’s also this thing concept of right. Distance, right depth. That’s what Kathy was saying.
[01:00:57] Like, as I get closer to someone I’m really letting their energy, um, engage with me and. If they do something that’s really falls out of the safety and respect. Now it’s like, ah, I have to, I’m going to have to pay more attention. It’s a, there’s now a question mark about how this person will handle situations.
[01:01:24] Um, I there’s a so contrast, isn’t always like a single facet and the bigger you are, like I noticed. Contrast that is with people that I’m less engaged with actually can feel really disempowering to me. Um, you know, there was, there’s a saying my business, their business God’s business, if I’m way out in God’s business, um, because it comes in, you know, I read about it, I hear about it.
[01:02:01] Um, I know people in love, people in those situations, um, bringing it back to the core values. What is, what is it that I value that this is in contrast with? I like ease things that are really difficult. I love reliability. Uh, so internet connections that aren’t working, the contrast with the reliability, it’s like, well, that’s real.
[01:02:28] That’s your point about when we’re in a contrast? What is reliable. We’re in new Stu territories. We don’t know what is reliable. And I think that’s where the crafting really comes in. I know that when I can slow down and be in the moment and just listen to how about this step, and this is field yes or no in the moment, each moment, rather than trying to, like you said, we’re not trying to plan out the grand attack.
[01:02:54] That’s going to solve everything, but what is the one step we can take that feels like it’s a yes to our body. And then from there, can we take a breath and take another? We don’t have anything that’s reliant. We may have things we can lean on that support, carrying other things, but facing the situation is often just completely unknown.
[01:03:14] So you can’t have a reliable solution. So
[01:03:25] crafting a way forward.
[01:03:32] And, and I am not saying that this is, this is a way to do it. It’s not the way to do it. Okay. I want to make that really clear. Um, it’s a, it’s a way that is works better and better for me. And that’s one of the reasons I wanted to bring this to the workshop. If you have other ways, um, the replay page that you’ll be sent, um, or that maybe you’re watching this on, um, I would love to hear how you, how you end up crafting your ways forward.
[01:04:06] Um, if you’d like to participate, we, we strongly invite you the sharing of wisdom because that’s what community is about to me. That’s one of those core values. And so like, no, not facing contrast alone can feel various, very overwhelming. Um, Rick and I caught you co-regulate, I’d probably 7, 8, 20 times a week, depending on the week.
[01:04:33] Um, just sometimes I just listen to his voicemail and I’m like, okay. I had heard of for a friendly voice and sometimes we talk first, a few minutes or half hour, depending on what’s going on. And we can do that for each other. And I think that’s such a gift to have people in our lives that we can go, okay.
[01:04:49] I feel all wonky. This would just knock me. It’s like someone took a baseball bat to my head sometimes like, oh, what happened? Contrast? Well, sometimes it does feel it. Uh I’m I’m I’m agreeing with you. So I’m like, am I still okay. And is the world still rotating? What’s happening? Yep. I’m okay. And amplify, what you’re, what I’m hearing you say is this is part of the calming part.
[01:05:15] It’s a crucial part. A lot of times I used to jump to the craft thing, a solution or something, and I would end up landing in the cesspool of perfectionism or the future swamp of despair, my primitive. Um, you know, it doesn’t always know what to do with thriving. Now. I want to feel like there’s some way that I can be, even if there’s not something I can do.
[01:05:54] So if I feel this contrast, and right now I’m going to go back and I’m seeing demand space, uh, a little circle picture. It still feels like a two or three. And I come back to, I let go of that enough or give a little more distance. This is something that. I had to learn how to do, but we can like, imagine it just being a little further, further back from the computer.
[01:06:24] And I come back to what matters. I really, I really appreciate respectful engagement. I really, and truly.
[01:06:41] People that, that engaged in a way that feels respectful and where the different vantage points lead to, um, uh, coming together. And so like now I’m grounded. I value. And what’s interesting is I think of the people and I’ve, I hope you don’t mind. I’m going to pick on you, Glenn. I’m going to pick you because I have the experience with Glenn out on our community center of even when we see a situation differently, I feel safe and that there’s a respectful engagement.
[01:07:31] And I witnessed him doing that with other people too. And it’s profoundly good for me now. Now you see it. Maybe you can feel that my. Is in it now I’m crafting an energy. I’m getting a little teary because the contrast is like, damn, you know, I really wish that more people engaged the way that Glen did, um, does at least in our circle.
[01:07:59] And so, okay. My way forward is I want to acknowledge more the people. And there’s so many of you that I’ve been blessed with where I get enhanced by what you share, that I want to continue to cultivate a space where, um, I’m not the only person who values that and that we actually have some energetic space holder.
[01:08:37] So that if somebody were to personally attack in our space, I would put a pause on that message. I would invite a reflection. So like now I’m feeling like, you know, I I’m actually crafting co crafting a space where. If, if I were to do that, if I had a bad day and I, I, I laid out a personal attack on someone I’ve got people around that would, would share that that feels actually really more safe to me than like I could be out there fucking up relationship.
[01:09:15] There’s the F-bomb. Thank you. I could be out there fucking up relationships by having a bad moment and attacking someone. And I don’t have anyone that’s going to say, Hey, Rick, I know that that’s not what you value. Oh, so now I’m crafting it with I’m. I’m choosing to be around the people that know my values.
[01:09:36] And rather than like holding me accountable like this, they they’re supporting my reflection. They’re understanding. And then they also are, are co tending to the spaces that we share. And I know that Twitter is not my space, but I’ve taken a lot from it. Um, well, and if he calls message this guy and just say, Hey, this doesn’t seem to reflect your values.
[01:10:04] Can you know, what’s going on? I could, it doesn’t that doesn’t right now. I feel like the crafty, um, no, we don’t is the really cool thing is we get to craft our own unique. There’s no right or wrong about it. So we can, as we’re going forward, I really love to just when I’m in a good space, like it’s literally, sometimes I’m in a good space in a really bad space.
[01:10:29] I am great about taking it step by step and being in the moment and feeling my way forward. And when I’m in kind of in the middle space, I just kind of going along and doing my thing until I run into something. We can, if we, I think we can craft our world in a really powerful way. And Rick, all this tapping you did, like you were really activated before.
[01:10:47] I don’t think I’ll remember to look at the recorded, but you can now you have you’re in a space where you’re starting to get insights in our home moments, whether you choose to help him or not. You’re also aware that, you know, oh, I could, I have, I’ve set it up. So I have people that would just like, Hey dude, are you okay?
[01:11:10] Like what’s going on? This is not what you normally, you normally you drop some F-bombs, but you never attack people what’s going on. Um, and I think that’s a beautiful that that can help our survival brain feel resourced and empowered when we can kind of come down the other side and like, oh, and I’ve had some really powerful, powerful insights on the other side of contrast.
[01:11:31] They often don’t happen as fast as I would like them to. Um, and I often have enough resistance that it’s somewhat painful to get there, but. Um, it’s can be beautiful. Did you have some happy you wouldn’t, uh, would you tap on it not being as fast or necessarily as clear as we might like judge ourselves that we, we shouldn’t be.
[01:11:51] Yeah. I really liked my contrast to come with a Sunday of clarity and delight, even though I’d love my contrast to come with one
[01:12:06] and delight in that way. It really often doesn’t mostly doesn’t happen that way, especially if it’s big contrast. Sometimes I don’t get clarity for decades or whatever, and sometimes I have not gotten clarity for decades or ever, but I’m helping my survival brain relax. I’m helping my survival brain relax and that’s good for me.
[01:12:33] And I’m learning to craft my way. So. And I’m learning to craft my way forward the bed. If I’m calmer, I might get a few more insights. Okay. I bet if I’m calmer, I could have more insight just in sight. Yeah. Anything like that guy just did just to, and I’m open to having more of those insights.
[01:13:01] I’m open to having more and more of those insights. I don’t like how long it takes. I don’t like how long it takes for the impact of the contrast. Yeah. I wrote, I judge myself for being slow and having to be painful. I judge myself for it being slow and often painful side of the eye. I don’t like that. I don’t like that.
[01:13:27] It’s contrast under the eye. I don’t know that it always has to be painted. I don’t know that it always has to be so painful under the nose. I pile lots of judgment on top of things.
[01:13:46] I have been known to pile judgment on top of things. It doesn’t make it less painful. It doesn’t make it less painful. It’s actually more contracts collarbone. And I get the insights of the right time for me. And I can get the insights at the right time for me under the arm. What if I could turn that over to the universe?
[01:14:10] What if I could turn that over to the universe? I don’t know when I need to get those insights. I don’t actually know when I need to get that insight and I bet the university. I’m betting the universe does. Okay. Yeah.
[01:14:33] I do think sometimes fighting to make them happen. They can come through easier when we’re trying to like, make it make sense. Like, I really good at like trying to make things fit. And then like the puzzle, a deer, I just got the shape sorter where she can put like the square in the square and the round in the round.
[01:14:50] And she just, right now she’s using the brute force method and I’m like, yes, I will make this fit. And like, no, I can’t get, like, if I relax and just be with it and often will drop into the right place. So if you notice you’re doing the brute force method, maybe it’s like, Hey universe, you figure this out.
[01:15:09] Where does this fit?
[01:15:15] So contrast it’s natural. Um, and yet most of us I’ve not heard and felt and been treated that way. Um, it’s often viewed as punishment and troubles. If that’s big for you, continue to tap on some of the first exercises that we did together. So that contrast becomes something that you’re aware of like, oh, it’s hot or it’s cold, or it’s windy, or it’s, uh, smells in here, uh, in a way that I don’t like it.
[01:15:55] Let contrast if, if you practice it, I believe from my experience that we can get to a place where it is activating at 11. That brings, um, energy into the crafting that it flows from the activation into an awareness of what we value. What matters, what were we wanting? What, what were we wanting, needing, hoping for craving more of what?
[01:16:30] And that an initial crafting can feel empowered if I’m, if I’m witnessing unkindness sometime in the next day, I believe that I can amplify some kindness. I can amplify it by being kind, dropping in, being present with a situation. I can remember a kindness done to me or for another person. And I can amplify that.
[01:17:01] Drop a note. I noticed you the other day, how kind you were, um, and patient. And I, I just want you to know that that’s, that’s something I noticed and I value, and I appreciate that you’re adding to our world in that way. Ah, I may not be the person who takes scraps of paper and creates this really crafty thing, but I believe that emotional energy can be crafted.
[01:17:30] As the little gifts that we can give each other that we can reflect to each other in ways that, um, give energy to the, what we want to strengthen, because that really is true. When we give energy to that, which we want to strengthen, then it can become stronger. The contrast has so much energy for us, especially if we’re empathetic, especially if we care deeply, especially if we want to be thriving and want everyone to be the contrast has a lot of to it and it can drop on us.
[01:18:07] As Kathy used to hit us in the head. It can feel that way. It can knock me over, like literally knocked me over where I need to lie down. If the contrast is that intense. I want something to do with that other than just be impacted. And that’s where, um, um, we’re sharing that when we use a tool and there are many, some people going into meditation, some people yoga, some people journal, some people I do all of those.
[01:18:39] Um, I go for a walk and the ideas that I’ve got this contrast, and I want to bring myself into a resourceful place. I want to remember what I. Well, what makes this contrast right? And, and feel into how could I craft something? And if you’ve got people in your life that know you and know your values, I’ll bet you, that you can ask the question like I did.
[01:19:07] Why do you think, why, what’s your sense? Why am I finding this? So upsetting and to have somebody who really knows you reflect back because you value safety and respect and that’s in hip, like, right. It’s not, it hurts like it contrast and I, and then they can reflect and we can reflect to one another. And I so appreciate that.
[01:19:36] You do offer that, that you offer, um, things that matter to me and to our world. That’s the best part of community? I believe. Could I be just a quick tapping? I’m just setting the intention of finding the gold and the pilot manure,
[01:19:55] karate chop. Hey universe. Hey universe. Hey, survival brain. Hello, survival brain. Wondering if we could all work together. I wonder if we can all work together. I bet there’s some gold buried in this pile of, I bet there’s some gold buried in this pile of shit right now. It just stinks. It just stinks. And I want to find the gold and I want to find the gold top of the head.
[01:20:27] I’m open to relaxing and calming myself.
[01:20:34] I am open to relaxing and calming myself eyebrow. I’m open to finding the right mixed up. I’m open finding the next right then the right next step for me, the steps that will help me the most, the step that’ll help me the most under the eye, understanding that most, most steps will take me in a direction I need to go.
[01:21:02] Most steps will take me in the direction. I need to go choose to go. Um, the nose universe I invite you to guide me. I invite you to guide me to then with those really, really clear me on flashing science. Some clear neon flashing signs would be just fine. Welcome collarbone. I’m open to discovering the gold in this open to discovering the golden mouse under the air.
[01:21:28] My bet there is. I actually bet there is something top of the head and I’m open to it being easy and, uh, and sometimes fun. And I opened it to being easy and sometimes even find deep breath just to kind of send that out into the universe. Cause the dearest sometimes does have fun finding the golden thing.
[01:21:54] And I have occasionally too, but most of the time I just started temper tantrum for a couple of days before I get up and start doing something different.
[01:22:04] Thank you all.
[01:22:08] Uh,
[01:22:13] And as Kathy mentioned, contrast, isn’t always a negative contrast can be a rich experience that really activates us that says, oh, yes. Yeah. It’s contrast over the baseline. It got at an invitation to be in thriving. Um, those are clues if you’ve enjoyed being with us and you’re not yet a member of the circle, thriving now.com/circle.
[01:22:43] Um, yeah, we do what we do this. And also being here may your new year be amazing, even better than ever before. Bye for now. Bye.
We covered…
- How contrast is natural, even though it can activate our primitive brain
- Contrast shows up based on what we value, what matters to us…
- EFT Tapping in its setup statements acknowledges contrast (even though) and crafts a direction for the energy (I choose…)
Resources Mentioned
Great to have you on this journey with us!
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I found the ‘Contrast’ workshop very useful. Reframing those sharp edges that I feel (and I’ve been feeling them an awful lot lately) as ‘contrast’ is so potent for me. I have to say once more how much power there is in a single word…how a single word can reshape how an experience feels and what it means. Thanks Rick and Cathy!!
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It’s helping me a lot, especially the process that evolved from the workshop of…
- Recognizing the contrast
- Checking in with my values – what MATTERS to me that this contrasts with
- Crafting a way forward that is congruent with what matters to me
It is feeling surprisingly empowering! Especially because it takes the focus off the contrast and puts my energy towards what matters to me!
Glad you found it useful, too.
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It’s a VERY useful model I think…thank you.
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'Twas interesting. Remember that the example I personally tapped on was someone I admired/respected who dissed someone else?
This morning, TWO people whose work I admire pretty viciously put down someone else I greatly admire!
I felt - sad for them - and sad for dynamics that have people feeling that putting down others is at all useful. At about a 2-3, where I had “left it” when i had tapped during the workshop.
Now I’m like, "Ok. Yeah. I want to continue to tune up acceptance and respect, reaffirming that I’ve put down people in order to distance myself from some aspect of their different values or expression.
I’m really wanting most of my energy to flow towards what I’m wanting, without “denying” the contrast that activates me, too.
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That’s unfortunate that people so easily behave that way. I’m just thinking out loud here but it occurs to me that it may be a symptom of living in a ‘cancel culture’…the road has been paved for this sort of behaviour…it’s been made acceptable and perhaps even expected. Ad hominem attacks seem to be the order of the day and in the context of discussion which contains contrast the personal attack is the lowest hanging fruit one can reach for…to my mind it is evidence of at least one thing, that you’ve run out of reasonable, reality based arguments and evidence to support your point of view and you are feeling cornered without an obvious exit to safety…Primitive Brain is now in charge…FIGHT!!! And boy, are we ever being squeezed right now into corners…so many perceived potential attacks (many are real) coming at us from all sides at the moment…it’s a confusing time.
The lens of ‘contrast’ and the 3 step model you created is so useful. I sometimes have to resist attacking on FB…I do my best, and I think I’m successful, for monitoring that sort of behaviour in myself. I edit extensively before I press ‘enter’ in any statement that I feel is important in an online discussion that I’m passionate about…I filter for those sorts of reflexive, knee jerk (JERK!!) reactions because I know I’m capable of having those feelings. I can spend a half hour writing a response…read it…re-read it…and then hit ‘delete’ because I don’t like the tone of how I’m expressing myself even if I agree with my reasoning. And I’m especially strict about keeping myself ‘in line’ when the other person (or people) aren’t behaving reasonably.
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A core “contrast” for me starting out was noticing whether I or the “others” are reacting from the primitive brain or… responding from another place.
Seems that engaging with others is quite different when “survival skills” are active then when “thrival skills” are appropriate.
In survival there is definitely a “need” to identify friend or foe. A benefit from fawning up to people who seem to have power OVER (by complying and affirming to others you’re supporting the ones ‘in charge’ (or those defying the ones ‘in charge’).
It’s… pretty obvious – once I got that primitive brain or not? differentiator (and assuming I’m not coming from primitive brain myself! Eeek!)
So I am really picking my “places” right now and my people. I don’t need or want a “bubble” – part of my role is to be aware of contrast and toxicity in the emotional world… part of being an environmentalist, eh? Then, though, detecting and inviting those who are in a place where they are willing to calm and confidence enough to explore together.
Even amidst my own mailing list, I’d say about 5-10% right now are even able to entertain something “thriving” right now, based on responses to more primal-pain invitations compared to thriving ones.
I admit to some tears about that. And also some optimism and appreciation knowing that survival may be the imperative during times and seasons but it is not the Higher Calling of our heartistry.
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Is that ever true! I think I’m usually aware of where I’m at in the spectrum of 'survival-----thrival’ behaviours but boy there is still a part (parts?) of me that are more than willing and enthusiastic about being in survival response mode. It can provide a sort of exhilaration, adrenaline dump, that ‘Thrival’ doesn’t have going for it. Sometimes ‘Survival’ just feels more compelling, more immediately alive and passionate…isn’t it proof that I care passionately about something?..isn’t it proof that I must be right about that thing otherwise I wouldn’t be in this state of mind? (it’s that game I see played ‘I’m more emotional than you which is proof that I must be right’)…if I was ‘Calm/Confident’ that could be interpreted as indifferent or non-committal, perhaps…but when my claws are out and my teeth are bared there’s no confusion about my indifference…I’m committed!!
I’m just kinda riffing off the top of my head but re-reading what I just wrote sure has the ring of experiential truth for me.
When we retreat into PB it seems to me the world is reduced to binary relationships…safe/unsafe, friend/enemy, truth/lie, right/wrong, victim/attacker…this, it seems, is one of the stronger features of PB’s evolutionary design which is a very intelligent feature of it. When we are in real imminent physical danger we wouldn’t want to be in our ‘talking brain’ that wants to weigh different options and think things over for a couple of days etc. That would not be useful in most contexts of real imminent physical danger. PB is designed to reduce options and take action NOW…action that leads us to feelings of safety once again. So physically knocking down the enemy/attacker as a way of creating a route to safety is one strategy of the PB. We see that survival strategy on places like FB and other social media. People in PB ‘knock down the enemy’ with words…accusations, personal insults…as an attempt to craft a sense of safety and certainty. The PB, it would seem, is not so great at distinguishing between a ‘real’ attack (physical) and a perceived attack…both, it would seem, can feel the same to the PB.
Having a methodology to distinguish between ‘real’ and ‘imagined’ danger is fundamental it seems to me and, Rick, you’ve done a lot of work in creating a model that does just that. Thank you…not only is it very helpful it’s necessary, especially in times like this when so many interests in our world are insisting that we only ever be in fearful ‘Survival /Primitive Brain’ ways of responding.
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I’m wondering, if we led lives more ‘on the edge’ so to speak, where our physical survival was being tested in nature…food hunting/gathering for example…how that would temper the seeming ease of going into ‘Survival/PB’ reactions on social media …as well as in our ‘real’ lives of interpersonal relationships.
What if for most of the week we were out in nature being tested physically to survive…survive the elements, survive thirst and hunger etc. and on Sunday we logged onto FB what would be the likelihood that someone’s disagreeable comment about something, say politics, would propel us into a PB survival response. I’m guessing it would be much less likely as our nervous system would understand (as a result of the previous 6 days of real survival challenges) that this does not merit the engagement of our PB …it would very obviously not qualify or meet the criteria of a real challenge to our survival…and we would likely just not engage our would engage in a far less reactive manner.
So, here’s what I’m ultimately wondering, is living a life so sheltered from real experiences of physical survival challenges make it actually more difficult to recognize real danger…and ultimately make it even more difficult to live a Thriving life. Do we need some level of actual Survival experience in our life? And if it isn’t there in a real way we will seek to create it in artificial ways as we see on social media? Is seeking to activate artificial ‘survival’ responses on social media part of a larger evolutionary intelligence at work that is communicating that we are designed to have a need for some survival experience in order to have a meaningful experience of ‘Thriving’.
And as I consider this further, I’m not the only one to notice how people in Third World conditions (real survival challenges) often display a much more Thriving attitude of joy and gratitude whereas in First World countries we have epidemic levels of depression and anxiety and for many a joyless experience of life. Could that be evidence that what I’m suggesting may be real…the need for some baseline amount of survival challenge in our lives?
Just thinking out loud here…
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Uh oh!! More thinking!! 
I know for me that I can have the notion that ‘Thriving’ is or should be some steady state…that when I get everything just right there will be no more survival reactions or PB interference. That Thriving occurs only when there is no PB or survival reactions anymore.
But, I ask myself, what if real ‘Thriving’ is inclusive of those ancient intelligences of the PB and it’s survival responses? What if Thriving isn’t a goal that’s achieved apart and away from those ancient allies? What if you can’t actually have Thriving without those primitive aspects? That seems much more realistic to me.
I’m thinking that the skill is to put those ancient allies to use when appropriate…to learn skills whereby we recognize contexts where we can have the PB in charge for as long as it’s appropriate and then return to Thriving behaviours. The skill of using our various intelligences when the context is appropriate. And what seems ideal to me is that we would mostly be in those ‘higher’ functions and hopefully have little need of access to PB functions.
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Yes, and energetically what I notice is the pent up-ness of certain impulses. Being alone out in nature this morning was not really an “uplift” but more of a release and downshift. My primitive brain was seeing further, seeing and feeling into places danger might lurk. Having to cope with uneven terrain, not paved roads.
It took well over 30 minutes of being in that space before the feeling like I needed to attack in order to release the pent up-ness in my energy field was alleviated enough that I could notice and hold the trunk of a twisted yet intriguing mountain laurel and feel connected and a bit replenished by the interaction.
It absolutely true that if I was hunting moose in order to survive the winter, and lugging hundreds of pounds back and then hauling it 30 feet in the air to keep it from predators that, well, I wouldn’t really give a whack about a lot that gets my attention and activates my desire to, uhh… well, whatever it is that I would also use to hike out to harvest a moose.
We are also not often doing survival things together. We stock up for the winter mostly “alone” using commerce, not our direct life force. My almost 8-year-old is not walking 2 miles through the snow to help the old couple bring in wood so they don’t freeze to death. So, he’s got a lot of energy that is all directed towards play and mischief whereas, well, if times were harder he’d be helping us to survive, as well as neighbors and loved ones.
I am not suggested we want to go back to survival living. But if we do not honor that our primitive brain generates Life Force that needs to be used or it will create distress and disease, we’re… not paying attention.
That said, there are worthy endeavors that do take life force. Courage isn’t just fighting nature for food amidst the storms. Combining movement to keep our physiology flowing and hearty effort around things that matter does, I believe and notice, help balance those energies.
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Yes…that’s an important aspect that I didn’t address…thank you…the dis-ease that’s apt to be a result of not honouring our PB…and having perhaps healthy PB rituals (in the same sense that I’ve talked about para-sympathetic rituals) where we can ‘turn those demons loose’ in appropriate environments (martial arts class, contact improv…??) instead of on Facebook and Twitter…those energies won’t be denied!
Yes,…I believe that’s true. PB doesn’t only play a crucial role in ‘primitive looking’ activities, so to speak and movement is so crucial to honouring (and activating) those energies.
We’ve had several inches of snow here for a few days now and we’ve been walking around a nearby golf course. That has been a very PB engaging activity for me…I can feel those energies rise and activate in me as I slog through the snow with my face half-frozen…there’s something that feels so ancestral in it for me…and also activates all the PB playing from my childhood growing up in many months of winter cold and snow. I’ve really been enjoying that aspect of it. There’s an aliveness to those energies that can’t (and won’t!) be denied.
Thanks.
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