In my own experience, I believe repair can happen quite regularly, especially around small stuff. If we are not holding a grudge, if there is acceptance, compassion, and awareness of the me-spaces (my side of the net) and we-spaces (the experience we’re sharing), then repair is pretty normal in a healthy relationship.
But what about unhealthy relationships… or when there is a rare but significant RUPTURE, like a ruptured achilles tendon? Ouch!
It would be really… unwise… to try and repair a ruptured achilles tendon on our own or with our running partner only. Skilled surgery is often required, and then rehab.
How easy is it to find someone who is skilled not only personally in the chart above but in facilitating such repair between 2+ people?
Restorative practices is a field of study. You can even get a masters degree in it. My sense is, though, that in terms of emotional technology used by those practices, we’re still about where we were with computers in the early 1960’s – a long way to go before everyone has “the tool” in their pocket!
For me I’ve proven to myself that I cannot “hold the space” AND be in the restorative/repair journey over anything one might consider a “rupture” – of trust, of connection, of safety/respect. Even the presence of someone who is capable of grounding themselves and calling a powerful pause has made a huge difference.
I’ll also assert that repair is different from therapy.
Therapy is the treatment of disease or disorders, as by some remedial, rehabilitating, or curative process.
Repair is to restore to a good or sound condition after decay or damage; mend.
Meaning to me that repair is most compatible with relationships that were indeed at one point in good and sound condition and there’s been some decay or damage.
And… we as humans seem to have a long way to go towards recalibrating relationships, restoring, repairing, therapeutically healing me-spaces and we-spaces, shifting from dominance/hierarchy to community/circling.
I’m grateful that more and more hearty beings are paying attention, exploring, trying, and – even if rarely – finding repair that leads to closeness and both restored and fresh intimacy.