I’m finding myself contemplating that RD/RD within a ‘We Space’ is, naturally, much different than RD/RD within a ‘Me/Them Space’. That, of course, seems like an obvious thing. And I’m wondering how often I create a ‘Me/Them Space’ by declaring a particular RD/RD that actually may not be serving me (or ‘them’ or ‘us’) best. It feels to me like there’s a sort of dynamic feedback loop involved. A shift in RD/RD can shift us into or out of ‘We Space’ or different degrees of intimacy within ‘We Space’. So, how do I know if I’m creating a ‘Me/Them Space’ or avoiding a ‘We Space’ by my insistence on a certain RD/RD? I see the benefit of a ‘Powerful Pause’ to invite ‘Clarity’.
It’s been obvious to me for some years now that an intimate ‘We Space’ is often a very threatening thing to me…and how for many years I used alcohol to soften that boundary and shift my sense of RD/RD to being more capable of navigating comfortably in ‘We Space’ a little bit more. And then later I would not only suffer an alcohol hangover but also a ‘Vulnerability Hangover’. I can see how that was born out of my early life within my family. The feeling of ‘We Space’ was very uncertain and often lonely for me which kept me in ‘Me/Them Space’ a lot of the time. So coming within proximity of ‘We Space’ can be a strong invitation to step into ‘Primitive Brain’ reactions…deep feelings of uncertainty and danger…and the response is to set a RD/RD based on those Primitive Brain evaluations. In fact, if I understand correctly what ‘We Space’ means I would say that when in that state of mind I’m not actually capable of being in ‘We Space’ at all but am keeping myself in ‘Me/Them Space’ because that’s where I perceive safety to be.
Yes…