You’ve described a very prevalent dynamic throughout my life. The behavioural formula is ‘circumstances + overwhelm = avoidance’. I’m a world class avoider of things that I experience as overwhelming. I’ve been loosely playing with the thought you brought up in another piece you wrote with the subtitle “You can do hard things.”. I can do hard things. It’s in my history. It’s definitely in the history of my ancestors…of all our ancestors. Doing easy things (or things easily) is just far more attractive…and avoidance, at least superficially, is pretty easy. For me at least…others seem wired to avoid avoidance. Paying down debt (without winning a lottery) takes determination, consistency, dedication, motivation, planning. These are not attractive words/ideas to me as I’m currently wired,
I sense it’s mammalian primitive brain processing. It’s in the primitive blueprint. As mammals we are driven to nourish ourselves (physically/emotionally) by expending the least amount of calories/effort and putting ourselves in the least amount of perceived danger. And perception is the key word here (I think it’s probably the key word in every emotional transaction). I perceive/feel a tremendous amount of danger and effort symbolized by those words…determination, consistency, dedication, motivation, planning. Run! It’s a trap!!
Our primitive processes are always cooking in the background but they only have two ingredients at their disposal… danger and safety. It’s not much of a buffet…not a lot of subtle flavours and smells…just enough nutrition to keep us alive…enough calories to fuel fighting and/or fleeing. But the place right next door, the Thriving Now Café, has an abundance of nutritional choices…tastes and flavours uncountable…the number of delicious dishes set out for our consumption is only limited by our imagination. It’s vitally important, of course, to have the survival menu operational and that kitchen fully staffed but we don’t have to eat every meal and snack there. (not sure how I wound up with this extended food metaphor but I’m hungry now…bon appetite!