It was SO helpful to me when I realized that the anger at being manipulated was a sign that I wasn’t actually in my YES, that I had done something that was a NO for me because I felt I didn’t have a choice.
So my anger at “being manipulated” was mostly my own call to have Better Boundaries.
Of course, I do find some ways that other humans seek to get their needs met pretty… uhh… repulsive. Definitely not a YES for me and unlikely to ever be.
While I can be okay with someone owning their own triggers and attachment issues, I won’t try to be close to someone who makes the issue about me. No shoulding on Rickity-Rick.
I know I have challenges with anything that has a whiff of abandonment, and I wasn’t at all clear with you that if we ride together that it’s hard for me if we don’t make transitions from one location to another together. To help ease my anxiety, would you be willing in future situations to… either ride with me or tell me personally that you’re walking because you really need the fresh air… or drive separately?
If someone’s abandonment issue keep coming up as “You left me!!” then I’d need more distance, which is of course likely to trigger their abandonment issues… but I’m not signed on for protecting others from pains triggered by healthy self-care and respectful freedoms I need in order to thrive…