It seems very clear to me how ‘blaming’ is part of our evolutionary biology. I would describe ‘blaming’ as being rooted in our simplistic 'cause-effect survival wiring’…part of the Primitive Brain. Placing the ‘cause’ of our pain/discomfort outside of ourselves directs our attention to our envirnoment where most dangerous and deadly things actually exist that might cause us injury or death. If we were wired to first investigate for a ‘cause’ within ourselves when we felt pain we probably wouldn’t have survived as a species because most dangerous and deadly causes of pain originate from our environment so that’s the most logical place to look initially for survival purposes. We’re designed to immediately look for external causes first (blame) so we can ‘fight/flight/freeze’ in response in an attempt to ensure our physical survival.
When we feel emotional pain from someone’s words the ‘cause-effect survival wiring’ is activated because it’s felt as a physical attack by our Primitive Brain. When we feel emotional pain from our own bad decisions or actions the very same ‘survival circuitry’ is engaged. Like all useful survival stratagies it’s a very simple design…feel pain → look for outside cause…or within the context of this discussion feel pain → look for someone/something to blame (the cause of my pain).
When we realize that we are not in immenent physical danger from something or someone in our environment (Discernment)it seems to me that’s when the skill of The Powerful Pause is essential to interrupt and redirect that PB response so we can arrive at a more useful and appropriate response that takes us out of a reactive survival brain strategy and into a response that supports behaviours and attitudes that are more in harmony with Thriving.
I know I definitely need more skill and practice with interupting and redirecting my PB reactions in certain contexts. In some contexts I don’t seem to react with blame…in other situations it still seems to be my ‘go to’ strategy. I’ll keep working on it…