My Heart Went Out to Them
Has the intensity of your empathy ever caused you serious distress?
When I would see people on TV, or read a true story, or see someone who was suffering, “my heart went out to them.”
I was even convinced this was a good thing! The alternative seemed to be one of those uncaring people. I refused (and probably couldn’t) be that way.
Yet, the expression “my heart went out to them” was truer than I realized.
My heart energy would leave my body. With my desire to reach out, support, help, and heal, a part of me would become over-intimate with their situation.
Our heart does not do well outside our body – emotionally and energetically.
In massage school my very wise teacher Christine noticed this energetic in me. When I was working with a client or practice person, when I felt their pain a part of me would…
It’s hard to put into words.
A part of me would start to feel so connected to what was happening in them that their relief became even more important to me than it was to them!
The clue she gave me was when we started to feel like we needed (!) to fix the situation before we could feel better ourselves, our energy had “gone out to them” when it (and our heartiness) belonged inside our being, nourished and strengthened by our physical and emotional presence… in service to their well-being, not in a “shared bond” with their suffering.
Wow. Did that shift make a difference.
She showed me how, when I started that feeling of “going out” to ground myself, to feel my own heart activate WITHIN me, to choose how to tune my energy for mutual wellness.
I needed Better Boundaries… and I’m imagining we all do.
With Adira, and I’ve included a picture this time when all isn’t shiny and happy in her world… if I forget (or am tired) and she cries out and my “heart goes out to her” it feels SOOOO different than if I take a powerful pause, center myself, and then engage.
(You might even notice what happens to your energy when you see her face… and practice.)
Of course, I had to clear some beliefs, some magical misconceptions, that to be a good person we have to “feel bad with people.” It’s not true, and it’s more useful for us and our resourcefulness if empathy informs us rather than enmeshes us.
Does this feel like an approach that would be helpful for you to explore? If so, Cathy and I will be coaching and tapping to support better boundaries when people are sad and unhappy.
See the replay below
Rick & Cathy
Your Emotional Freedom Coaches
Schedule Private, Gliding Scale Coaching Sessions Here
P.S. Adira says, “Being a Human is Haaaaard sometimes. It’s okay to be sad and unhappy at times, and it’s okay for you to be there without becoming sad or unhappy yourself. Promise.”
